cultivate

Yes, here we are again.

I know.  I said I was going to start blogging, and then somehow life got away from me. 

I keep falling back into these bouts of just going through the motions.  I love my life.  I serve a mighty God who has big things for me.  But I struggle, really struggle, with believing that and putting what He says into action. 

I battle laziness... a lot.  It's definitely a giant I've needed to kill for far too long.

This year, I started reading Own Your Life by Sally Clarkson.  (She has become a "mentor" to me through her books and podcasts and blog posts.  I hope to attend her conference this year, but covid has put a lovely hold on that.)

My favorite thing to do is make excuses.  I've become quite the expert at it, unfortunately.  And this year I set out to change that.  Though here I am... still failing.

Laziness and excuses don't exactly make for a life lived with purpose and passion.  It's definitely not something I want to be remembered for or pass on to my boys.

I'm not exactly sure how to change. I know it's going to take effort... day after day, one step at a time, over and over again.

This is the verse God has laid on my heart for this year. Psalm 37:3

"Trust in the LORD, and do good,
dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness."

1. I am to trust in the Lord, not myself.  I need to let go of control!  (ahem... thank you coronavirus!)

2. Instead of wishing for different circumstances, another phase of life, or a supernatural change in my personality, I need to dwell right where I'm at.  Dwell means to live in a specified place... a place my God chose for me.  (Acts 17:26)  What good can I be doing right here, where He has me?

3. definition of cultivate - "try to acquire or develop; apply oneself to improving or developing"
I need to own my life! To cultivate a deep faith and responsibility for what God has given me.

I don't think it's a coincidence we started planting a garden a few weeks ago... though I didn't know it at the time. (see post about how it all started)

Despite ALL of my shortcomings, I know God is gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love and mercy.  And that is what keeps me getting out of bed, still trying to change, even though I fail time and time again. 

Tortilla Factory gone bad

We finally had the inevitable... a broken bone!  <womp womp>

Anchor and Maverick were playing Tortilla Factory in the garage. They toss elastic workout bands on the treadmill and watch them fall off... and put that on repeat.  #boymom  

One of the bands started to go under the belt and Anchor tried to get it out. 😖

I was getting ready for the day (it was around 7:30am) and Maverick came running in with Anchor screaming behind him.  (This is a somewhat normal occurrence... "he hit me, he took my car, I fell off my bike, Blue chewed my shoes up" etc).  I heard "Anchor got his hands stuck in the treadmill" and saw they were scraped and some of the skin had come off.  At first, I thought it was similar to a stubbed toe.  However, Anchor kept screaming and has hands were badly shaking.  Kenny had left to go get tacos, a car wash, and gas (thank you Covid-19)!  I FaceTimed him and he decided to come home.  

Meanwhile, Anchor kept screaming and I knew it was much worse than stubbed toe. A lot of skin and been ripped off and his fingers were quickly swelling.  I called my sister, who can be so calm in these situations, but neither one of us knew what to do. 😂

When Kenny got home, he agreed we should call our pediatrician (who is a family doctor with many years of ER experience).  We definitely didn't want to deal with the ER and coronavirus and quarantine. Kenny called his mom to come watch Joshua and Maverick, and I'll never forget how quickly she responded without asking any questions.  We gave Anchor some ibuprofen and headed out the door.  

Our doctor greeted us in full surgery gear (as Anchor said "a blue dress, yellow gloves, a mask, and a plastic shield").  He took x-rays and found out he broke the proximal phalanx of middle finger on his left hand (finger joint closest to palm).  He had three other 2nd degree burns between his fingers that were cleaned and bandaged.  And to top it all off, a tetanus shot!  😩

He was so brave but my goodness that was SO hard for mama to watch!  He sat next to daddy and watched Lion King as a distraction, but there were many quivering lips and tears.  Anchor passed out in the car on our way to Chick-Fil-A for chocolate milk and little burgers (chicken minis). 

Mama's adrenaline didn't wear off until 5 that afternoon and I.Was.Toast and sick to my stomach.  I could hardly eat all day and cycled with a friend to distract my racing mind.  My energy was in the negatives.  We had Sonic for dinner (at Anchor's request) and called it a day. 

We were supposed to go to my sister's house and have a parade for Nana, see the Blue Angels fly over DFW, and then play at a park. Anchor was SO excited and wore his airplane shirt.  Despite everything that happened though, he had a great attitude!

I'm so thankful for our doctor, for family and prayers, and that we serve a God who goes before us and prepares the way: getting into pediatrician instead of ER, Janette being able to watch boys, Kenny being close to home, Anchor pulling his hands out of treadmill before more damage could have been done, and giving us bodies that heal!  

God is good, no matter what!

two geraniums and some lavender

It all started with two geraniums and some lavender.

We built our dream home almost two years ago.  Some days I still can't believe this is my life... not just the house, but the husband, THREE boys, and our home.  I never could've imagined it, and I definitely wouldn't have believed it if you told me.

But God!

Kenny (probably desperate to get out of the house... thank you coronavirus) set out for Calloway's to buy some shrubs for behind our pool deck.  He came home with a truck bed full of shrubs and some extra flowers for my pots on the front porch.  Two geraniums and some lavender.  I planted them immediately and something stirred deep within my soul.

I saw pure beauty.

Living in a house doesn't make it a home.  It has to be intentionally planned, created... cultivated.  And I want our home to be a place of beauty, comfort, safety, and peace.

So I started dreaming again... about something for me! Not because my family wanted to, not because my boys wanted to. ** But because I had a passion for it.  This is huge for me.

I thought of knockout rose bushes in front of our master bedroom windows and some basil/rosemary... small and manageable.

But God!

We went to Calloway's and I found my roses/herbs plus so much more. 

Calloway's Nursery

My favorite find was this adorable owl pot!  My classroom was decorated with owls and I have collected many over the years.  Owls are also the mascot for our homeschool.  He was perfect for my basil!

Then I found elephant ears!!!  Be still my heart!  No they didn't fit with any of the landscape Kenny had already planned (and begun planting).  But I'm sure he agreed seeing the joy they brought me.  My sweet Maverick loves elephants and seeing these will remind me of him!

side note: A week after buying these, one of the leaves started to curl up and turn brown and I had seen the stems bend all the way down to the ground.  We went back to Calloway's and the guy helping me said the brown leaf was dying to allow new growth and that these plants can be kind of dramatic (aka droopy). I thought that was hilarious... and SO Maverick!

Finally, I found some pink knockout roses.  My heart was happy and I was ready to begin planting!

But God!

We stopped by Home Depot and Kenny went down the vegetable aisle of the plant area.  Tomatoes, peppers, jalapeños, hatch chiles, cucumbers, a fig tree!!! Mmmmm.... we could almost taste the freshness! We both looked at each other and said "let's start a garden!"

And that was it.

We came home and Kenny designed some gorgeous three raised beds (3'x10') right outside of the master bedroom.  And I began designing the garden.  I've finally embraced YouTube and learned about companion planting and incorporating flowers/herb into my garden.

Our soil is mostly clay, so digging up holes twice the size of my rose buckets was a task I could not do alone.  It took Kenny most of the day.  At bedtime, I set the roses down in the holes (so I could visualize better) and went to bed eager to finish the next day.  That night a huge Texas thunderstorm blew through and when we woke up, the roses were drowning in holes full of water.

I set them out to dry and meanwhile mixed some potting soil (equal parts peat moss, top soil, and perlite).  During my several sweaty trips around the house and yard with the wheelbarrow gathering tools and mixing soils, Joshua tagged along eager to help.  He noticed my sweat and "work" face and apologized that this was such hard work.  I realized it was quite the contrary!  It felt so good!!!  God created us not just to do work, but to find joy in it! (Ecclesiastes 2:24)  There was something so gratifying about putting in all the effort and then sitting back to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Anchor's red petunias (his favorite color) and
he wanted them planted next to their daddy (geraniums)!

There are so many lessons in the Bible that refer to planting, toiling and harvesting, sowing and reaping, deep roots, and bearing fruit.  As I remember my verse for this year (Psalm 37:3), I can't help but smile at what God knew He was doing.  His dreams far exceeded my own!  While I know I have my work cut out for me, I know the joy and reward will be worth it.  And I know I'll learn many lessons along the way as I cultivate my faithfulness... and my garden!


**I want to be clear: I LOVE being a mama bear and feel blessed to be able to stay home and homeschool.  It's another dream come true for me. But I've seen so many homeschooling mothers put their EVERYTHING into their kids and schooling.  And then their kids grow up and leave.  Kenny and I have talked a lot recently about being careful not to lose sight of who I am and who God created me to be aside from "homeschooling mommy."  Plus, gardening can be a great educational experience! Sounds like a win win.