This has been a rough week for me emotionally... and as I'm writing this I realized my eating habits have tanked along with my emotions (plus I started my cycle). I guess it's best to get this all over with at the same time... right?!?
We have been visiting a church called Redeemer Denton for about two months. My heart says to jump all in - become members, serve, join Bible studies, support them financially, etc. I'm in love... but also strongly feel this is where the Lord wants us right now.
Kenny does not feel the same way.
At all.
It's written all over his face, shows through his body language, and even in his words when others ask about it. It's so obvious (and awkward!) that he's not in love.
And yet we continue to go.
There have been churches where after one visit he refused to go back. So I'm thankful that hasn't been his response with Redeemer.
But it also leaves me feeling so confused.
He acts like a robot when we go... like it's an obligation he has to do to fulfill his Christian duties. To be honest, it hurts.
I know he's swamped right now with work and I can't imagine the burden of having to provide for a family. This may just be a season where all he can do work and he's trusting me with the rest - disciplining the children, choosing the church, planning our weekends, etc.
I'm grateful he trusts me enough to let me lead... but it's a weight I don't want to carry.
So I've nagged, and begged, and pleaded, and talked (and talked and talked and talked) about the confirmations I feel the Lord has shown me. I *thought* I was doing good by sharing with Kenny what the Lord was showing me. I *thought* there was no way that could be considered "nagging" because it was from God. I wanted to be the Holy Spirit... I wanted God to need me to change Kenny's heart.
Wrong.
I can't be Kenny's Holy Spirit. And God doesn't need me to do anything.
All I've managed to do is shut Kenny down and push him further and further away from the church.
Oh how my heart aches over my wrong doing. I've had a pit in my stomach all week. I wish so badly to go back and change my actions. But all I can do is repent and trust the Lord with how this situation will play out... in His perfect timing!
We had a long, but really good talk about it earlier this week. Kenny feels that if we're arguing so much about becoming members, it must not be the right time. This means we have to wait 6 more months before the next membership class. I'm fine waiting, if that's what the Lord wants. I'm fine leaving the church, if that's what He says. I'm fine not going to church at all... if God confirms that. I just want Kenny to seek His face!! If I have to submit, I want him to lead! Why is that so difficult?!?!?!
I'm thankful that he has been blessed with so much work. But I just don't feel like the Lord would want Kenny to take on so many jobs that he can't lead us well and spend time in prayer. Let me add that he *does* lead us well. He is a great husband and father... very protective and hard working and trusts the Lord no matter what. He is my deeply rooted man of faith! I think I've just been to focused on the speck in his eye that I haven't seen the plank in my own.
I think the Lord has tried to teach me this lesson a million times. Oh how I am so like the Israelites. But our verse for this year is "how long will you put off...?" Looks like now is the time for battle... and the Lord has promised victory!!
(P.S. I love how He has shown me this applies to more areas than just my attachment with Joshua.)
Lord this is so so hard! Waiting on You but wanting to do and say so much in the meantime. Help me with my impatience. Help me to find You and see Your hand even in the waiting. Search my heart and show me my own plank... what can I be working on in the meantime? I'm so sorry Lord for nagging instead of patiently waiting on You. I don't want to be like the Israelites any more. Help me change! Show me how to be supportive, trusting, and encouraging to Kenny. Thank You for victory in this area.
Thank You for a husband who knows his calling well. Thank You that I've never had to ask him to provide. Thank You for his faith and strong foundation.
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Saturday, March 25, 2017
we have plans
It's been exactly a year since we "bought a little piece of paradise."
So I figured it was time for an update.
At the beginning of this year, Kenny decided to buy an addtional half acre of land. We just closed on the new section and are ready to build!!!
Kenny has been working on these plans since we bought the lot. I remember wondering why on earth he started working on them so early... now I know. There have been hundreds of revisions, going back and forth about what to keep and what to delete, the layout, the square footage, the roof line, the elevation, etc. I never knew how much was involved in making a set of plans.
We are SO grateful to Terry Holmes for spending countless hours (in his spare time) working with us, listening to us, and drawing up the most beautiful house I've ever seen... our dream home!
I told Kenny as he showed me plans, they didn't look right but I didn't know what was wrong/missing. To me, it was just a house. Kenny was frustrated with how heavy it seemed on one side, or how the flow wasn't just right. But no matter what issue we had, Terry patiently and brilliantly worked until he found a solution. Once Kenny showed me the *final* set of plans, my jaw dropped and I knew this was our home!
We'll have 4 bedrooms, 4.5 baths, a large kitchen/den area for entertaining, a school room, an office, and maybe one day a media room.
Our prayers are that this home would be a place where God is glorified, people are always welcome, and family is protected and strengthened. We have had dreams of hosting youth group events since we dated. I have many other ideas of what we could do, but we'll see where the Lord takes us.
I'm looking forward to claiming this land and stepping into what the Lord has for us in Hickory Creek.
If I haven't said it before, this is truly a dream come true! We are beyond grateful for how He has blessed us, and pray that this would all be used for His glory and His alone.
I plan to have a dedication day and invite family/friends to write scriptures on the walls. Stay tuned!
So I figured it was time for an update.
At the beginning of this year, Kenny decided to buy an addtional half acre of land. We just closed on the new section and are ready to build!!!
Kenny has been working on these plans since we bought the lot. I remember wondering why on earth he started working on them so early... now I know. There have been hundreds of revisions, going back and forth about what to keep and what to delete, the layout, the square footage, the roof line, the elevation, etc. I never knew how much was involved in making a set of plans.
We are SO grateful to Terry Holmes for spending countless hours (in his spare time) working with us, listening to us, and drawing up the most beautiful house I've ever seen... our dream home!
I told Kenny as he showed me plans, they didn't look right but I didn't know what was wrong/missing. To me, it was just a house. Kenny was frustrated with how heavy it seemed on one side, or how the flow wasn't just right. But no matter what issue we had, Terry patiently and brilliantly worked until he found a solution. Once Kenny showed me the *final* set of plans, my jaw dropped and I knew this was our home!
 |
| front |
 |
| back |
 |
| side |
We'll have 4 bedrooms, 4.5 baths, a large kitchen/den area for entertaining, a school room, an office, and maybe one day a media room.
 |
| first floor |
 |
| second floor |
I'm looking forward to claiming this land and stepping into what the Lord has for us in Hickory Creek.
If I haven't said it before, this is truly a dream come true! We are beyond grateful for how He has blessed us, and pray that this would all be used for His glory and His alone.
I plan to have a dedication day and invite family/friends to write scriptures on the walls. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
providence
providence (noun) - the protective care of God
We've recently felt the Lord calling us to change churches. This is huge for us because we *loved* Gateway. I didn't have anything negative to say about it... other than the distance. But in a metroplex as large as DFW, it seems like everything is a fifteen to twenty minute drive, minimum!
It started when we were in Abilene with Mollie and Eric. During dinner, they were talking about the pastor of Bethel Church, Bill Johnson. They had read articles calling him a heretic. This shocked both Kenny and me, because we love Bethel Music. Kenny didn't care to get too deep into conversation but came home and started researching Pastor Morris, from Gateway.
What we found was deeply upsetting. Yet for the first time, it caused us both to research (on our own) what we believe and why.
I've heard about the "prosperity gospel" from John Piper, and have never been in support of it. However, I have a hard time deciphering what is and is not "prosperity" teaching. I know Joel Osteen is, but would never have put Robert Morris in the same category. Joel spoke at Gateway several years back and it bothered me greatly, but I couldn't figure it out. Gateway had also brought in speakers like Jimmy Evans and Max Lucado. How could they have such different speakers, with different beliefs, speak at their church?
We read many articles about Morris and how his teaching lines up with the prosperity gospel. After thinking about it, I realized how little he talked about the gospel and our desperate need for a savior. At the end of his sermon, he would encourage people to accept Jesus, but there was no clear explanation of the gospel - how we are all sinners, and by God's grace alone (and His sovereign choosing) are we saved through belief in Jesus Christ and the blood He shed for our sins.
I learned how to detect the prosperity gospel (see here). And to not pick a church because of how I feel, but because of what we believe.
So we looked at several churches, reading line by line their beliefs/convictions, and tried to narrow it down. I then made a pro/con list, thinking that would make it clear. But no one church stood out to us. We ended up visiting a church a few weeks ago, but felt the preaching was weak.
The following weekend, I pressured (nagged, I'm ashamed to say) Kenny into picking a church for us to try. I finally realized forcing him was not right either. So I told him we could take a few weeks off to pray about it.
On Monday, I went to CG and asked a guy (Josh) who had talked about pastoring a start up church where it was located. He gave me his card and I planned to look it up, but the day got away from me.
On Tuesday, we were hitting a wall in school and I needed a break. I decided to look up the church.
It's called Redeemer Church of Denton and they're located in South Denton... 8 (yes, EIGHT) minutes away from where we are building. My spirit jumped inside me and with each page I clicked on, I got more excited about it.
1. They teach exegetically - what I've longed for and missed!
2. They have a heart and desire to reach their city... not because they have the answers, but because Jesus does.
3. It is endorsed by Tom Nelson (pastor at Denton Bible Church) and supported by The Village Church. (these are the two churches we had narrowed it down to)
4. One service - 10:30 on Sunday. Kenny has always preferred the early service. But I'm wondering if this will be good for us... to intentionally make time for the Sabbath. I'm thinking big breakfasts, church, lunch, naps, and more family time.
5. It's small, currently 100 in attendance on average. I was reading Job 29 on Monday and felt the Lord encourage me to pray these verses over Kenny... that he would be a helper to the poor, father to the fatherless, give wisdom and council, and remain deeply rooted in the Lord. Janette has told me that a prophetic word was spoken over Kenny years ago that he would be an elder in the church one day. Because this is a start up church, I feel like Kenny has a lot to offer and more opportunities to be used however the Lord wills.
6. Because of it's size, Kenny was concerned for their lack of funds. But I feel like with our tithe God could do so much more and it will go so much further at Redeemer than it ever could at Gateway.
7. In our research, we learned that if no church in the area meets our needs, to gather people and meet in a home. With this church being so small, it feels like that.
8. Opportunities to start ministries are endless - choir, adoption, homeschool, youth, etc.
9. We were put in Hickory Creek "for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14)... being just eight minutes from the church opens the door for many gatherings.
10. Kids ministry is small - so our kids are in classes with multi-age children. This is a Montessori concept and I truly believe in it. It's so cool to see the older kids help the younger, and encourages the younger to be more mature.
The entire time I was looking at the website, I kept hearing the word "providence." This is not coincidence. I was pushing, nagging, begging Kenny to decide. And once I let it go, and told him to take the time he needed, this literally fell in our laps. It never pulled up in my research. God perfectly planned me to start CG, meet Josh, and switch churches within a few months.
My prayer is that we would become involved, serve as a family, and reach our neighborhood for the glory of God. We long for people to do life with, and being part of a church that is so close makes that easier. I remind my boys often of our motto: "Wrights are lights." But it's harder to shine when everyone around is already a light. Denton is a lost city. And we've lived near Denton for most of our married life. Hickory Creek puts us the closest we've ever been. Since we are building our "forever" home, I think it's time we find our "forever church." Oh how I pray Redeemer Denton becomes that for us.
Lord, I thank You for Your providence. Your beautiful, sovereign, perfect providence. I thank You for leading us to this church. I pray Your blessings over the church, that they would reach the city of Denton and win many over to Christ. Help them to be Your hands and feet, to serve as You served and love as You loved. May they always be a bright light on a dark hill. Purpose their every step and move to align with Your will. Show us if this is where You want us. Continue to give us clear confirmation and direction. It doesn't matter how much I love it, if it's not where You want us, we don't want to be there. Prepare our hearts to visit on Sunday. Open our eyes and hearts to see this church and these people through Your eyes. In Jesus name, Amen.
We've recently felt the Lord calling us to change churches. This is huge for us because we *loved* Gateway. I didn't have anything negative to say about it... other than the distance. But in a metroplex as large as DFW, it seems like everything is a fifteen to twenty minute drive, minimum!
It started when we were in Abilene with Mollie and Eric. During dinner, they were talking about the pastor of Bethel Church, Bill Johnson. They had read articles calling him a heretic. This shocked both Kenny and me, because we love Bethel Music. Kenny didn't care to get too deep into conversation but came home and started researching Pastor Morris, from Gateway.
What we found was deeply upsetting. Yet for the first time, it caused us both to research (on our own) what we believe and why.
I've heard about the "prosperity gospel" from John Piper, and have never been in support of it. However, I have a hard time deciphering what is and is not "prosperity" teaching. I know Joel Osteen is, but would never have put Robert Morris in the same category. Joel spoke at Gateway several years back and it bothered me greatly, but I couldn't figure it out. Gateway had also brought in speakers like Jimmy Evans and Max Lucado. How could they have such different speakers, with different beliefs, speak at their church?
We read many articles about Morris and how his teaching lines up with the prosperity gospel. After thinking about it, I realized how little he talked about the gospel and our desperate need for a savior. At the end of his sermon, he would encourage people to accept Jesus, but there was no clear explanation of the gospel - how we are all sinners, and by God's grace alone (and His sovereign choosing) are we saved through belief in Jesus Christ and the blood He shed for our sins.
I learned how to detect the prosperity gospel (see here). And to not pick a church because of how I feel, but because of what we believe.
So we looked at several churches, reading line by line their beliefs/convictions, and tried to narrow it down. I then made a pro/con list, thinking that would make it clear. But no one church stood out to us. We ended up visiting a church a few weeks ago, but felt the preaching was weak.
The following weekend, I pressured (nagged, I'm ashamed to say) Kenny into picking a church for us to try. I finally realized forcing him was not right either. So I told him we could take a few weeks off to pray about it.
On Monday, I went to CG and asked a guy (Josh) who had talked about pastoring a start up church where it was located. He gave me his card and I planned to look it up, but the day got away from me.
On Tuesday, we were hitting a wall in school and I needed a break. I decided to look up the church.
It's called Redeemer Church of Denton and they're located in South Denton... 8 (yes, EIGHT) minutes away from where we are building. My spirit jumped inside me and with each page I clicked on, I got more excited about it.
1. They teach exegetically - what I've longed for and missed!
2. They have a heart and desire to reach their city... not because they have the answers, but because Jesus does.
3. It is endorsed by Tom Nelson (pastor at Denton Bible Church) and supported by The Village Church. (these are the two churches we had narrowed it down to)
4. One service - 10:30 on Sunday. Kenny has always preferred the early service. But I'm wondering if this will be good for us... to intentionally make time for the Sabbath. I'm thinking big breakfasts, church, lunch, naps, and more family time.
5. It's small, currently 100 in attendance on average. I was reading Job 29 on Monday and felt the Lord encourage me to pray these verses over Kenny... that he would be a helper to the poor, father to the fatherless, give wisdom and council, and remain deeply rooted in the Lord. Janette has told me that a prophetic word was spoken over Kenny years ago that he would be an elder in the church one day. Because this is a start up church, I feel like Kenny has a lot to offer and more opportunities to be used however the Lord wills.
6. Because of it's size, Kenny was concerned for their lack of funds. But I feel like with our tithe God could do so much more and it will go so much further at Redeemer than it ever could at Gateway.
7. In our research, we learned that if no church in the area meets our needs, to gather people and meet in a home. With this church being so small, it feels like that.
8. Opportunities to start ministries are endless - choir, adoption, homeschool, youth, etc.
9. We were put in Hickory Creek "for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14)... being just eight minutes from the church opens the door for many gatherings.
10. Kids ministry is small - so our kids are in classes with multi-age children. This is a Montessori concept and I truly believe in it. It's so cool to see the older kids help the younger, and encourages the younger to be more mature.
The entire time I was looking at the website, I kept hearing the word "providence." This is not coincidence. I was pushing, nagging, begging Kenny to decide. And once I let it go, and told him to take the time he needed, this literally fell in our laps. It never pulled up in my research. God perfectly planned me to start CG, meet Josh, and switch churches within a few months.
My prayer is that we would become involved, serve as a family, and reach our neighborhood for the glory of God. We long for people to do life with, and being part of a church that is so close makes that easier. I remind my boys often of our motto: "Wrights are lights." But it's harder to shine when everyone around is already a light. Denton is a lost city. And we've lived near Denton for most of our married life. Hickory Creek puts us the closest we've ever been. Since we are building our "forever" home, I think it's time we find our "forever church." Oh how I pray Redeemer Denton becomes that for us.
Lord, I thank You for Your providence. Your beautiful, sovereign, perfect providence. I thank You for leading us to this church. I pray Your blessings over the church, that they would reach the city of Denton and win many over to Christ. Help them to be Your hands and feet, to serve as You served and love as You loved. May they always be a bright light on a dark hill. Purpose their every step and move to align with Your will. Show us if this is where You want us. Continue to give us clear confirmation and direction. It doesn't matter how much I love it, if it's not where You want us, we don't want to be there. Prepare our hearts to visit on Sunday. Open our eyes and hearts to see this church and these people through Your eyes. In Jesus name, Amen.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
lifestyle change
The week before Christmas I had a crazy GI bug that left me wishing I would just die. I couldn't eat anything, I was constantly nauseous, and my numerous trips to the bathroom could not be counted.
In the midst of it all, I promised the Lord if He saw me through it I would make a lifestyle change.
Not some crazy, fad diet. Not a cleanse. Not a 21 day habit-changing-fix.
But a transforming, healthy, lifestyle change.
And He did. Hallelujah!
But let's back up a little... in December, my friend Chrissy gave me a code to try Camp Gladiator for free during the month of January. I waslucky blessed to find an indoor location, because me + 32 degree weather don't go together. The first day of camp, a huge storm was moving through with the possibility of hail! I had knots in my stomach and did not sleep at all the night before. But I made it that first day and the rest is history! I fell completely in love!
My trainer is adorable, 37 weeks pregnant and rocking her body! I'm held accountable to get up and go every time (right now, on MWF at 6:10am). The other campers are constantly high-fiving me and encouraging me to do better. I actually get to talk to people out loud, instead of just in my head, like I've been doing at the gym. It's pulled me out of my comfort zone and challenged me to do better. It feels like PE for adults, which is interesting because I HATED PE when I was younger. I was so self-conscious and always fearful of being left out. Now I find myself being more competitive... not willing to come in last, to finish the exercises before the timer, to increase my weights a little more.
This last week, my trainer has mentioned that the way we look is only 20% of our workout! Say what?!? That means 80% is what I'm eating. And while it could be much, much worse... it needs to be a whole lot better!
Since my GI bug, I've been praying and asking the Lord to show me what He wants this lifestyle change to look like. What needs to be cut out? What needs to be added in? What are the portions I need? How many times a day should I eat? When/how much can I splurge? I don't want food to control me, as it has in the past when I've tried to diet and count calories.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says:
So here's what I feel like He's been saying to me:
In the midst of it all, I promised the Lord if He saw me through it I would make a lifestyle change.
Not some crazy, fad diet. Not a cleanse. Not a 21 day habit-changing-fix.
But a transforming, healthy, lifestyle change.
And He did. Hallelujah!
But let's back up a little... in December, my friend Chrissy gave me a code to try Camp Gladiator for free during the month of January. I was
My trainer is adorable, 37 weeks pregnant and rocking her body! I'm held accountable to get up and go every time (right now, on MWF at 6:10am). The other campers are constantly high-fiving me and encouraging me to do better. I actually get to talk to people out loud, instead of just in my head, like I've been doing at the gym. It's pulled me out of my comfort zone and challenged me to do better. It feels like PE for adults, which is interesting because I HATED PE when I was younger. I was so self-conscious and always fearful of being left out. Now I find myself being more competitive... not willing to come in last, to finish the exercises before the timer, to increase my weights a little more.
This last week, my trainer has mentioned that the way we look is only 20% of our workout! Say what?!? That means 80% is what I'm eating. And while it could be much, much worse... it needs to be a whole lot better!
Since my GI bug, I've been praying and asking the Lord to show me what He wants this lifestyle change to look like. What needs to be cut out? What needs to be added in? What are the portions I need? How many times a day should I eat? When/how much can I splurge? I don't want food to control me, as it has in the past when I've tried to diet and count calories.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says:
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."I want that idea, my body as a temple for the Holy Spirit, to be at the forefront of my mind every day. Not a number on the scale, or a certain size of clothes, or even a body measurement. I'm sure all of that will follow in time, but I don't want it to be my goal. I just want to be conscious of what I'm eating and how I'm taking care of my temple.
So here's what I feel like He's been saying to me:
- increase water intake to 72oz per day
- breakfast - 2 eggs or protein shake, fruit
- lunch - protein (lunchmeat, chicken, tuna), veggies/salad, fruit (maybe add cheese, depending on dinner)
- snack - nuts or greek yogurt
- dinner - smaller portions of meals I'm already preparing for family; add more vegetables and limit carbs
- two desserts per week
- Starbucks once a week
- alcohol 2x per week (1 glass of wine or 1 margarita)
- splurge one day a week (within moderation)
- exercise: CG 3-4x per week; lift heavy (body pump or at gym) 1-2x per week
- supplements - MultiGreens, NingXia Red, grapefruit, fish oil, vitamin C and D, probiotic
- progessence 2x/day- to help my cycle
The "old me" would have succeeded at this for maybe a week... if that! But I am no longer "putting off" the things He has put on my heart. I read yesterday in my quiet time that my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). While I don't want my sinful flesh to rule, I want my flesh to be strengthened to do what He's called me to do... even when it's not easy or it doesn't taste good.
Lord, please help me to keep my body as a temple for Your Holy Spirit. May I take every thought (for junk food or laziness) captive to obey You and what You've called me to do.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
He is faithful
I FINALLY had a breakthrough!
The Lord FINALLY answered my prayers and has confirmed in my heart *my* verse for this year.
FINALLY.
The key: spending such sweet, beautiful, intimate time with my Maker, Creator, Father, Savior, and Leader.
Oh what a dry season I have been through! Having babies is tough. Acid-freaking-reflux is tough. Adopting is tough. Three-year-olds are tough. Homeschooling is tough. And I've been through it all this last year.
Looking back, I see that I shut down. I'm an introvert... and just like everything else, being that way has its strengths and weaknesses. Instead of reaching out and asking for help, I withdrew. Instead of daily knocking at my Father's door for His sufficient grace, I withdrew. I put on a mask, pretended everything was fine, grit my teeth, and just tried to make it through each day... one.day.at.a.time. And sure enough, 2016 came and went.
But now 2017 is here, and I'mdry parched, desperate, and longing for life, joy, purpose, and true motherhood. I've always dreamed of being a mommy and had *the best* mother (and grandmother) as an example to follow. I know what the Lord has put in me, and have been at a loss as to how to get it out.
So I began again what I know in my heart-of-hearts is the answer to everything... spending time with Jesus (using my beloved tabs system). Here are the dates/highlights from my journal entries:
January 2
Matt 22 - love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind
Gen 21 - God is with you in all that you do
Titus 3 - I want to bear much fruit!
Psalm 21 - there is strength, blessing, and success in the Lord and His unfailing love -- He gives life
*I will not be moved*
Prov 20 - may the Lord find me genuinely faithful (not just appearance)
January 3
Joshua 18 - don't wait to claim something the Lord has already given to me
January 9
Gen 22 - Abraham had SO MUCH faith and trust in the promises of God -- he worshipped as he obeyed (no fear)
Psalm 22 - He has always been with me - I can always call on His name
Prov 21 - it doesn't matter that I think what I'm doing is right - God looks at my heart (which shows anger)
Joshua 19 - He is faithful and will keep His promises... but I have a part too -- sometimes that means fighting
January 10
Matt 24 - I don't want my love to grow cold - for my family or others; I want people to know me by Christ's love in me, NOT my anger!
1 Cor 7 - my undivided devotion is to the Lord alone - stop trying to "please" others, especially if that means not obeying what the Lord has put on my heart: spending time with boys, praying, devotions, movie/game night
James 1 - God forgive me for doubting You and not earnestly seeking wisdom from You; how gracious You are to show me anyway and gently convict me; my belief in Christ is worthless if I can't control my tongue and love Joshua - an "orphan" and "perfect gift" whom God gave to me
January 11
Psalms 23 - "He leads me" - when Kenny can't/doesn't; when I feel "alone" in parenting; when I don't know what to do/where to go
Prov 22 - my job is to train (set an example for) my boys: love the Lord and others; the rest is not my responsibility or something I can control
Joshua 20 - the Lord takes such great care of His people - protecting us and fulfilling even the tiniest details of His promises
January 12
Gen 24 - God so beautifully and divinely orchestrates events in my life
1 Cor 8 - I want to know God and be known by Him - search my heart oh Lord
James 2 - be careful not to judge others, "show no partiality" - love others as myself
Psalms 24 - I want to be known as a "woman who seeks God's face"
Prov 23 - goal in discipline is character training (NOT behavior control)
Joshua 21 - they took possession and settled... and God gave them rest; ALL of His promises came to pass
Acts 20 - my flock = my 3 boys and they were purchased with His blood too
Retyping my words has shown me even more than I had planned to write. How many of these entries answer my *exact* frustrations?!? About motherhood? About life and joy? About purpose?
ALL of them.
How good is our God to use His Word that is thousands of years old and yet He makes it applicable to my most pressing issues and concerns!?!
My spirit has been refreshed (and it must be mentioned that we are studying water this week and Joshua's principle is: Jesus gives my spirit living water to drink). Yay God!
BUT the coolest thing is the verses He's confirmed for me... yes, me! I've been trying to come up with a "family" verse, but in all honesty, the boys are still young and I can't be Kenny's Holy Spirit. So instead of forcing this on them, I'm claiming it and speaking it over myself.
I mentioned in my previous post about a verse in Joshua 18 - "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land, which the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?" (verse 3)
God has done His part. He parted the Red Sea to physically and legally bring us Joshua. I have prayed and prayed, begging Him to knit our hearts and have been so frustrated that nothing was changing. This last week, He has gently whispered on my heart that I have not done my part. I have "put off" claiming Joshua as my own.
In Joshua 19:47, the tribe of Dan had to fight against Leshem and capture it before they could take possession of it and settle in it. I felt God calling me to fight for a deeper relationship with Joshua - to capture him as my own.
The Lord immediately started showing me things I do for Maverick/Anchor that I have not done with Joshua. He's told me to write them down (and I'm sure He'll be adding to the list):
1. smiling when I talk to him
2. snuggling, hugging, kissing on him throughout day
3. pulling him into my lap - he's not too old/heavy
4. sitting next to him at table
5. lovingly touching him - putting lotion on him
6. *not* disciplining him for every little thing (or even some of the big things)
7. laughing with him
8. controlling my temper around him - because I can't control his behavior
9. holding his face and looking into his eyes
10. taking pictures/videos of things he does too
Finally, in Joshua 21:44-45, the Lord gave the Israelites "rest" after taking possession of the land He had promised them. What more peace can there be?! There will finally be rest in our family after we have fought... claimed... and settled with Joshua as our very own firstborn.
So there it is: "How long will you put off going in to take possession... fight... capture... settle... rest." (Joshua 18:3, 19:47, 21:44)
Last year the Lord called me to spend time in His Word daily. While I failed miserably at that, I'm ready for a second chance. I'm tired of putting it off and am ready to step into His calling for me. I don't want to just have an appearance of genuine faith. As I said in my previous post, all I know to do is take it day by day... not in survival mode as I did last year. But in intimate relationship with my heavenly Father. I can't speak to what next week/month will like for me. But tomorrow morning, I'll be up at 6AM to spend time with my Maker and see what He has for me that day.
I know He will continue to be faithful.
Someone posted this video on Facebook because it reminded her of her grandmother. This song is called "He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves. It's absolutely beautiful and I long for this to be said about me some day. I know it means more trials will come my way... but if faithfully walking through them brings more glory to God, then I'm willing to walk whatever road He has for me.
The Lord FINALLY answered my prayers and has confirmed in my heart *my* verse for this year.
FINALLY.
The key: spending such sweet, beautiful, intimate time with my Maker, Creator, Father, Savior, and Leader.
Oh what a dry season I have been through! Having babies is tough. Acid-freaking-reflux is tough. Adopting is tough. Three-year-olds are tough. Homeschooling is tough. And I've been through it all this last year.
Looking back, I see that I shut down. I'm an introvert... and just like everything else, being that way has its strengths and weaknesses. Instead of reaching out and asking for help, I withdrew. Instead of daily knocking at my Father's door for His sufficient grace, I withdrew. I put on a mask, pretended everything was fine, grit my teeth, and just tried to make it through each day... one.day.at.a.time. And sure enough, 2016 came and went.
But now 2017 is here, and I'm
So I began again what I know in my heart-of-hearts is the answer to everything... spending time with Jesus (using my beloved tabs system). Here are the dates/highlights from my journal entries:
January 2
Matt 22 - love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind
Gen 21 - God is with you in all that you do
Titus 3 - I want to bear much fruit!
Psalm 21 - there is strength, blessing, and success in the Lord and His unfailing love -- He gives life
*I will not be moved*
Prov 20 - may the Lord find me genuinely faithful (not just appearance)
January 3
Joshua 18 - don't wait to claim something the Lord has already given to me
January 9
Gen 22 - Abraham had SO MUCH faith and trust in the promises of God -- he worshipped as he obeyed (no fear)
Psalm 22 - He has always been with me - I can always call on His name
Prov 21 - it doesn't matter that I think what I'm doing is right - God looks at my heart (which shows anger)
Joshua 19 - He is faithful and will keep His promises... but I have a part too -- sometimes that means fighting
January 10
Matt 24 - I don't want my love to grow cold - for my family or others; I want people to know me by Christ's love in me, NOT my anger!
1 Cor 7 - my undivided devotion is to the Lord alone - stop trying to "please" others, especially if that means not obeying what the Lord has put on my heart: spending time with boys, praying, devotions, movie/game night
James 1 - God forgive me for doubting You and not earnestly seeking wisdom from You; how gracious You are to show me anyway and gently convict me; my belief in Christ is worthless if I can't control my tongue and love Joshua - an "orphan" and "perfect gift" whom God gave to me
January 11
Psalms 23 - "He leads me" - when Kenny can't/doesn't; when I feel "alone" in parenting; when I don't know what to do/where to go
Prov 22 - my job is to train (set an example for) my boys: love the Lord and others; the rest is not my responsibility or something I can control
Joshua 20 - the Lord takes such great care of His people - protecting us and fulfilling even the tiniest details of His promises
January 12
Gen 24 - God so beautifully and divinely orchestrates events in my life
1 Cor 8 - I want to know God and be known by Him - search my heart oh Lord
James 2 - be careful not to judge others, "show no partiality" - love others as myself
Psalms 24 - I want to be known as a "woman who seeks God's face"
Prov 23 - goal in discipline is character training (NOT behavior control)
Joshua 21 - they took possession and settled... and God gave them rest; ALL of His promises came to pass
Acts 20 - my flock = my 3 boys and they were purchased with His blood too
Retyping my words has shown me even more than I had planned to write. How many of these entries answer my *exact* frustrations?!? About motherhood? About life and joy? About purpose?
ALL of them.
How good is our God to use His Word that is thousands of years old and yet He makes it applicable to my most pressing issues and concerns!?!
My spirit has been refreshed (and it must be mentioned that we are studying water this week and Joshua's principle is: Jesus gives my spirit living water to drink). Yay God!
BUT the coolest thing is the verses He's confirmed for me... yes, me! I've been trying to come up with a "family" verse, but in all honesty, the boys are still young and I can't be Kenny's Holy Spirit. So instead of forcing this on them, I'm claiming it and speaking it over myself.
I mentioned in my previous post about a verse in Joshua 18 - "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land, which the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?" (verse 3)
God has done His part. He parted the Red Sea to physically and legally bring us Joshua. I have prayed and prayed, begging Him to knit our hearts and have been so frustrated that nothing was changing. This last week, He has gently whispered on my heart that I have not done my part. I have "put off" claiming Joshua as my own.
In Joshua 19:47, the tribe of Dan had to fight against Leshem and capture it before they could take possession of it and settle in it. I felt God calling me to fight for a deeper relationship with Joshua - to capture him as my own.
The Lord immediately started showing me things I do for Maverick/Anchor that I have not done with Joshua. He's told me to write them down (and I'm sure He'll be adding to the list):
1. smiling when I talk to him
2. snuggling, hugging, kissing on him throughout day
3. pulling him into my lap - he's not too old/heavy
4. sitting next to him at table
5. lovingly touching him - putting lotion on him
6. *not* disciplining him for every little thing (or even some of the big things)
7. laughing with him
8. controlling my temper around him - because I can't control his behavior
9. holding his face and looking into his eyes
10. taking pictures/videos of things he does too
Finally, in Joshua 21:44-45, the Lord gave the Israelites "rest" after taking possession of the land He had promised them. What more peace can there be?! There will finally be rest in our family after we have fought... claimed... and settled with Joshua as our very own firstborn.
So there it is: "How long will you put off going in to take possession... fight... capture... settle... rest." (Joshua 18:3, 19:47, 21:44)
Last year the Lord called me to spend time in His Word daily. While I failed miserably at that, I'm ready for a second chance. I'm tired of putting it off and am ready to step into His calling for me. I don't want to just have an appearance of genuine faith. As I said in my previous post, all I know to do is take it day by day... not in survival mode as I did last year. But in intimate relationship with my heavenly Father. I can't speak to what next week/month will like for me. But tomorrow morning, I'll be up at 6AM to spend time with my Maker and see what He has for me that day.
I know He will continue to be faithful.
Someone posted this video on Facebook because it reminded her of her grandmother. This song is called "He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves. It's absolutely beautiful and I long for this to be said about me some day. I know it means more trials will come my way... but if faithfully walking through them brings more glory to God, then I'm willing to walk whatever road He has for me.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
happy new year!
TOP 10 from 2016:
1. September beach trip (the one in May was, unfortunately, not so memorable)
2. camping in Broken Bow
3. buying "little piece of paradise" - an oh the fun we've had already!
4. our 11th anniversary adventure
5. state fair with Crowells - here are some highlights
6. Christmas in Austin
7. Allen's Holiday Soiree "afterparty: - where Kenny and I got caught having a little too much fun in the car afterwards. It's definitely something I can look back on and laugh about. But in the moment, I was completely humiliated!! The party was so much fun and it was pretty cool being "the contractor's wife!" I felt like a movie star.
8. Arrow's Academy began - it's been a dream of mine for so long!! We are still working out the kinks, but I'm so thankful I'm able to homeschool our boys. They are pretty excited about it too... just look at their faces upon receiving their school for next year!
9. Fossil Rim
10. field trips and fellowship with great friends - We've been blessed to go on so many great field trips with our homeschool group. I love the weather in Texas is nice 90% of the time. There is so much to do year round!
And there have been countless late nights at our house playing games with friends, listening to music in the park, grilling/cooking, and enjoying each other's company. Our hearts (and tummies) are very full!
We are also so blessed and grateful for our health and Kenny's great year of business. We also took a Growing Kids Gods Way class that taught us so much about parenting - structure, discipline, and creating a family that our kids love to be a part of. I'm beyond grateful for our teachers, Terry and Michelle Holmes, and eager to see the fruit and God's faithfulness as we carry out what we learned.
the not-so-memorable memories:
*I debated listing the worst memories of the year, because who wants to dwell on calamity? But I realized it's also a way to see the Lord's faithfulness and to remember it's only a season. He is good... all the time!
1. Anchor's two weeks of throwing up daily - grateful for doctors and a new formula that stopped the throw up and FINALLY allowed our little guy to grow!
2. my horrible GI bug - a week before Christmas I got a nasty GI bug. I started out feeling like I had the flu. That went away within 12 hours, but then I felt nauseous and completely lost my appetite. This lasted a week, had me convinced I was pregnant (even though Kenny had a vasectomy over a year ago!), and had me laying on the couch all.day.long. 48 hours after it began, I started diarrhea that lasted three endless days. It was such a weird stomach bug, and I wonder if it even messed with my hormones. I felt depressed and remember praying that God would spare me! Looking back I can laugh about it, but I know in the moment I didn't think I'd make it through the day. Kenny had to watch the boys, cook, clean, and all in the midst of holiday activities. Words cannot express my gratitude to the Lord for seeing us all through this week.
3. Maverick peeing on himself and me storming out of my mom's house - We celebrate Christmas with my mom on New Year's Eve. It was chaotic (as usual) but we were also having some discipline issues with Joshua based on an event that had happened a week before. I was in the playroom talking to Joshua. Maverick need to go to the bathroom. Kenny says he called for me, but I never heard him. Maverick ended up peeing on himself (and his BRAND NEW SHOES)! I walk *outside* to find him standing in the front yard, and my brother and his girlfriend laughing at him! It infuriated me! I stripped Maverick down, loaded him in the car naked and told Kenny to load the boys up. I was livid and done! I stormed through the house to gather my things, which I know ruins the mood for everyone. An hour later, after calming down, I realized I completely overreacted and missed out on finishing up Christmas with my family. (Christmas with my dad was spent on the couch with my GI bug... so both were pretty frustrating this year.) I admitted to my family that I have an anger problem and need to seek help for it. I know it's okay to be angry but I have to learn to control my anger and not let it dictate my actions. Hopefully there will be victorious posts about this in the future.
I have so many blog posts to catch up on and plan to do so soon. I'm really hoping 2017 will a turning point for me as a wife and mom. There's so much I've always wanted to be and do and yet have continually made excuses not to do them. My goals for this year are the EXACT same as last year! And these goals aren't like "climb mount everest," or "start a company and be on Forbes Fortune 500 list within a year." It's simply to have a daily quiet time, get our school done, maintain a clean/welcoming home, and workout 4-5x per week. Why are these easy tasks so monumental for me?!? I feel so lazy and unproductive. I'm seeking the Lord for answers - where is my time being wasted? How do I manage it better? What do I prioritize? My mom had a schedule and stuck to it as much as possible. For a long time, I thought that wouldn't work for our family. But I'm starting to think otherwise...
Oh how my prayer is to have a completely different post at the end of this year. I want to write about my success and victory in this area. I read in Joshua 18 today about the Israelites who had not yet claimed the land the Lord had already given to them. Joshua asked "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land?" I wonder if God is just as frustrated with me... wondering when I will step up and claim the life of victory His one and only Son died to give me! Ouch.
At this point, all I know to do is take it one day at a time. Lord, help me! I'm still praying about and seeking confirmation for our family verse. More to come...
1. September beach trip (the one in May was, unfortunately, not so memorable)
2. camping in Broken Bow
3. buying "little piece of paradise" - an oh the fun we've had already!
 |
| showing the cousins |
 |
| breakfast tacos to christen the land! |
 |
| playing on the bulldozer while daddy works |
4. our 11th anniversary adventure
5. state fair with Crowells - here are some highlights
 |
| ready to watch the parade |
6. Christmas in Austin
7. Allen's Holiday Soiree "afterparty: - where Kenny and I got caught having a little too much fun in the car afterwards. It's definitely something I can look back on and laugh about. But in the moment, I was completely humiliated!! The party was so much fun and it was pretty cool being "the contractor's wife!" I felt like a movie star.
8. Arrow's Academy began - it's been a dream of mine for so long!! We are still working out the kinks, but I'm so thankful I'm able to homeschool our boys. They are pretty excited about it too... just look at their faces upon receiving their school for next year!
9. Fossil Rim
10. field trips and fellowship with great friends - We've been blessed to go on so many great field trips with our homeschool group. I love the weather in Texas is nice 90% of the time. There is so much to do year round!
And there have been countless late nights at our house playing games with friends, listening to music in the park, grilling/cooking, and enjoying each other's company. Our hearts (and tummies) are very full!
 |
| trolley in Downtown Dallas |
 |
| Highland Park Soda Fountain |
 |
| Heard Museum in McKinney |
 |
| Irving Symphony Orchestra |
 |
| Henrietta Creek Apple Orchard |
 |
| Dallas Zoo |
 |
| Arbor Hills Nature Preserve |
the not-so-memorable memories:
*I debated listing the worst memories of the year, because who wants to dwell on calamity? But I realized it's also a way to see the Lord's faithfulness and to remember it's only a season. He is good... all the time!
1. Anchor's two weeks of throwing up daily - grateful for doctors and a new formula that stopped the throw up and FINALLY allowed our little guy to grow!
2. my horrible GI bug - a week before Christmas I got a nasty GI bug. I started out feeling like I had the flu. That went away within 12 hours, but then I felt nauseous and completely lost my appetite. This lasted a week, had me convinced I was pregnant (even though Kenny had a vasectomy over a year ago!), and had me laying on the couch all.day.long. 48 hours after it began, I started diarrhea that lasted three endless days. It was such a weird stomach bug, and I wonder if it even messed with my hormones. I felt depressed and remember praying that God would spare me! Looking back I can laugh about it, but I know in the moment I didn't think I'd make it through the day. Kenny had to watch the boys, cook, clean, and all in the midst of holiday activities. Words cannot express my gratitude to the Lord for seeing us all through this week.
3. Maverick peeing on himself and me storming out of my mom's house - We celebrate Christmas with my mom on New Year's Eve. It was chaotic (as usual) but we were also having some discipline issues with Joshua based on an event that had happened a week before. I was in the playroom talking to Joshua. Maverick need to go to the bathroom. Kenny says he called for me, but I never heard him. Maverick ended up peeing on himself (and his BRAND NEW SHOES)! I walk *outside* to find him standing in the front yard, and my brother and his girlfriend laughing at him! It infuriated me! I stripped Maverick down, loaded him in the car naked and told Kenny to load the boys up. I was livid and done! I stormed through the house to gather my things, which I know ruins the mood for everyone. An hour later, after calming down, I realized I completely overreacted and missed out on finishing up Christmas with my family. (Christmas with my dad was spent on the couch with my GI bug... so both were pretty frustrating this year.) I admitted to my family that I have an anger problem and need to seek help for it. I know it's okay to be angry but I have to learn to control my anger and not let it dictate my actions. Hopefully there will be victorious posts about this in the future.
I have so many blog posts to catch up on and plan to do so soon. I'm really hoping 2017 will a turning point for me as a wife and mom. There's so much I've always wanted to be and do and yet have continually made excuses not to do them. My goals for this year are the EXACT same as last year! And these goals aren't like "climb mount everest," or "start a company and be on Forbes Fortune 500 list within a year." It's simply to have a daily quiet time, get our school done, maintain a clean/welcoming home, and workout 4-5x per week. Why are these easy tasks so monumental for me?!? I feel so lazy and unproductive. I'm seeking the Lord for answers - where is my time being wasted? How do I manage it better? What do I prioritize? My mom had a schedule and stuck to it as much as possible. For a long time, I thought that wouldn't work for our family. But I'm starting to think otherwise...
Oh how my prayer is to have a completely different post at the end of this year. I want to write about my success and victory in this area. I read in Joshua 18 today about the Israelites who had not yet claimed the land the Lord had already given to them. Joshua asked "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land?" I wonder if God is just as frustrated with me... wondering when I will step up and claim the life of victory His one and only Son died to give me! Ouch.
At this point, all I know to do is take it one day at a time. Lord, help me! I'm still praying about and seeking confirmation for our family verse. More to come...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)