The week before Christmas I had a crazy GI bug that left me wishing I would just die. I couldn't eat anything, I was constantly nauseous, and my numerous trips to the bathroom could not be counted.
In the midst of it all, I promised the Lord if He saw me through it I would make a lifestyle change.
Not some crazy, fad diet. Not a cleanse. Not a 21 day habit-changing-fix.
But a transforming, healthy, lifestyle change.
And He did. Hallelujah!
But let's back up a little... in December, my friend Chrissy gave me a code to try Camp Gladiator for free during the month of January. I was lucky blessed to find an indoor location, because me + 32 degree weather don't go together. The first day of camp, a huge storm was moving through with the possibility of hail! I had knots in my stomach and did not sleep at all the night before. But I made it that first day and the rest is history! I fell completely in love!
My trainer is adorable, 37 weeks pregnant and rocking her body! I'm held accountable to get up and go every time (right now, on MWF at 6:10am). The other campers are constantly high-fiving me and encouraging me to do better. I actually get to talk to people out loud, instead of just in my head, like I've been doing at the gym. It's pulled me out of my comfort zone and challenged me to do better. It feels like PE for adults, which is interesting because I HATED PE when I was younger. I was so self-conscious and always fearful of being left out. Now I find myself being more competitive... not willing to come in last, to finish the exercises before the timer, to increase my weights a little more.
This last week, my trainer has mentioned that the way we look is only 20% of our workout! Say what?!? That means 80% is what I'm eating. And while it could be much, much worse... it needs to be a whole lot better!
Since my GI bug, I've been praying and asking the Lord to show me what He wants this lifestyle change to look like. What needs to be cut out? What needs to be added in? What are the portions I need? How many times a day should I eat? When/how much can I splurge? I don't want food to control me, as it has in the past when I've tried to diet and count calories.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says:
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."
I want that idea, my body as a temple for the Holy Spirit, to be at the forefront of my mind every day. Not a number on the scale, or a certain size of clothes, or even a body measurement. I'm sure all of that will follow in time, but I don't want it to be my goal. I just want to be conscious of what I'm eating and how I'm taking care of my temple.
So here's what I feel like He's been saying to me:
increase water intake to 72oz per day
breakfast - 2 eggs or protein shake, fruit
lunch - protein (lunchmeat, chicken, tuna), veggies/salad, fruit (maybe add cheese, depending on dinner)
snack - nuts or greek yogurt
dinner - smaller portions of meals I'm already preparing for family; add more vegetables and limit carbs
two desserts per week
Starbucks once a week
alcohol 2x per week (1 glass of wine or 1 margarita)
splurge one day a week (within moderation)
exercise: CG 3-4x per week; lift heavy (body pump or at gym) 1-2x per week
The "old me" would have succeeded at this for maybe a week... if that! But I am no longer "putting off" the things He has put on my heart. I read yesterday in my quiet time that my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41). While I don't want my sinful flesh to rule, I want my flesh to be strengthened to do what He's called me to do... even when it's not easy or it doesn't taste good.
Lord, please help me to keep my body as a temple for Your Holy Spirit. May I take every thought (for junk food or laziness) captive to obey You and what You've called me to do.
The Lord FINALLY answered my prayers and has confirmed in my heart *my* verse for this year.
FINALLY.
The key: spending such sweet, beautiful, intimate time with my Maker, Creator, Father, Savior, and Leader.
Oh what a dry season I have been through! Having babies is tough. Acid-freaking-reflux is tough. Adopting is tough. Three-year-olds are tough. Homeschooling is tough. And I've been through it all this last year.
Looking back, I see that I shut down. I'm an introvert... and just like everything else, being that way has its strengths and weaknesses. Instead of reaching out and asking for help, I withdrew. Instead of daily knocking at my Father's door for His sufficient grace, I withdrew. I put on a mask, pretended everything was fine, grit my teeth, and just tried to make it through each day... one.day.at.a.time. And sure enough, 2016 came and went.
But now 2017 is here, and I'm dry parched, desperate, and longing for life, joy, purpose, and true motherhood. I've always dreamed of being a mommy and had *the best* mother (and grandmother) as an example to follow. I know what the Lord has put in me, and have been at a loss as to how to get it out.
So I began again what I know in my heart-of-hearts is the answer to everything... spending time with Jesus (using my beloved tabs system). Here are the dates/highlights from my journal entries:
January 2
Matt 22 - love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind
Gen 21 - God is with you in all that you do
Titus 3 - I want to bear much fruit!
Psalm 21 - there is strength, blessing, and success in the Lord and His unfailing love -- He gives life
*I will not be moved*
Prov 20 - may the Lord find me genuinely faithful (not just appearance)
January 3
Joshua 18 - don't wait to claim something the Lord has already given to me
January 9
Gen 22 - Abraham had SO MUCH faith and trust in the promises of God -- he worshipped as he obeyed (no fear)
Psalm 22 - He has always been with me - I can always call on His name
Prov 21 - it doesn't matter that I think what I'm doing is right - God looks at my heart (which shows anger)
Joshua 19 - He is faithful and will keep His promises... but I have a part too -- sometimes that means fighting January 10
Matt 24 - I don't want my love to grow cold - for my family or others; I want people to know me by Christ's love in me, NOT my anger!
1 Cor 7 - my undivided devotion is to the Lord alone - stop trying to "please" others, especially if that means not obeying what the Lord has put on my heart: spending time with boys, praying, devotions, movie/game night
James 1 - God forgive me for doubting You and not earnestly seeking wisdom from You; how gracious You are to show me anyway and gently convict me; my belief in Christ is worthless if I can't control my tongue and love Joshua - an "orphan" and "perfect gift" whom God gave to me
January 11
Psalms 23 - "He leads me" - when Kenny can't/doesn't; when I feel "alone" in parenting; when I don't know what to do/where to go
Prov 22 - my job is to train (set an example for) my boys: love the Lord and others; the rest is not my responsibility or something I can control
Joshua 20 - the Lord takes such great care of His people - protecting us and fulfilling even the tiniest details of His promises
January 12
Gen 24 - God so beautifully and divinely orchestrates events in my life
1 Cor 8 - I want to know God and be known by Him - search my heart oh Lord
James 2 - be careful not to judge others, "show no partiality" - love others as myself
Psalms 24 - I want to be known as a "woman who seeks God's face"
Prov 23 - goal in discipline is character training (NOT behavior control)
Joshua 21 - they took possession and settled... and God gave them rest; ALL of His promises came to pass
Acts 20 - my flock = my 3 boys and they were purchased with His blood too
Retyping my words has shown me even more than I had planned to write. How many of these entries answer my *exact* frustrations?!? About motherhood? About life and joy? About purpose?
ALL of them.
How good is our God to use His Word that is thousands of years old and yet He makes it applicable to my most pressing issues and concerns!?!
My spirit has been refreshed (and it must be mentioned that we are studying water this week and Joshua's principle is: Jesus gives my spirit living water to drink). Yay God!
BUT the coolest thing is the verses He's confirmed for me... yes, me! I've been trying to come up with a "family" verse, but in all honesty, the boys are still young and I can't be Kenny's Holy Spirit. So instead of forcing this on them, I'm claiming it and speaking it over myself.
I mentioned in my previous post about a verse in Joshua 18 - "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land, which the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?" (verse 3)
God has done His part. He parted the Red Sea to physically and legally bring us Joshua. I have prayed and prayed, begging Him to knit our hearts and have been so frustrated that nothing was changing. This last week, He has gently whispered on my heart that I have not done my part. I have "put off" claiming Joshua as my own.
In Joshua 19:47, the tribe of Dan had to fight against Leshem and capture it before they could take possession of it and settle in it. I felt God calling me to fight for a deeper relationship with Joshua - to capture him as my own.
The Lord immediately started showing me things I do for Maverick/Anchor that I have not done with Joshua. He's told me to write them down (and I'm sure He'll be adding to the list):
1. smiling when I talk to him
2. snuggling, hugging, kissing on him throughout day
3. pulling him into my lap - he's not too old/heavy
4. sitting next to him at table
5. lovingly touching him - putting lotion on him
6. *not* disciplining him for every little thing (or even some of the big things)
7. laughing with him
8. controlling my temper around him - because I can't control his behavior
9. holding his face and looking into his eyes
10. taking pictures/videos of things he does too
Finally, in Joshua 21:44-45, the Lord gave the Israelites "rest" after taking possession of the land He had promised them. What more peace can there be?! There will finally be rest in our family after we have fought... claimed... and settled with Joshua as our very own firstborn.
So there it is: "How long will you put off going in to take possession... fight... capture... settle... rest." (Joshua 18:3, 19:47, 21:44)
Last year the Lord called me to spend time in His Word daily. While I failed miserably at that, I'm ready for a second chance. I'm tired of putting it off and am ready to step into His calling for me. I don't want to just have an appearance of genuine faith. As I said in my previous post, all I know to do is take it day by day... not in survival mode as I did last year. But in intimate relationship with my heavenly Father. I can't speak to what next week/month will like for me. But tomorrow morning, I'll be up at 6AM to spend time with my Maker and see what He has for me that day.
I know He will continue to be faithful.
Someone posted this video on Facebook because it reminded her of her grandmother. This song is called "He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves. It's absolutely beautiful and I long for this to be said about me some day. I know it means more trials will come my way... but if faithfully walking through them brings more glory to God, then I'm willing to walk whatever road He has for me.
5. state fair with Crowells - here are some highlights
ready to watch the parade
6. Christmas in Austin
7. Allen's Holiday Soiree "afterparty: - where Kenny and I got caught having a little too much fun in the car afterwards. It's definitely something I can look back on and laugh about. But in the moment, I was completely humiliated!! The party was so much fun and it was pretty cool being "the contractor's wife!" I felt like a movie star.
8. Arrow's Academy began - it's been a dream of mine for so long!! We are still working out the kinks, but I'm so thankful I'm able to homeschool our boys. They are pretty excited about it too... just look at their faces upon receiving their school for next year!
9. Fossil Rim
10. field trips and fellowship with great friends - We've been blessed to go on so many great field trips with our homeschool group. I love the weather in Texas is nice 90% of the time. There is so much to do year round!
And there have been countless late nights at our house playing games with friends, listening to music in the park, grilling/cooking, and enjoying each other's company. Our hearts (and tummies) are very full!
trolley in Downtown Dallas
Highland Park Soda Fountain
Heard Museum in McKinney
Irving Symphony Orchestra
Henrietta Creek Apple Orchard
Dallas Zoo
Arbor Hills Nature Preserve
We are also so blessed and grateful for our health and Kenny's great year of business. We also took a Growing Kids Gods Way class that taught us so much about parenting - structure, discipline, and creating a family that our kids love to be a part of. I'm beyond grateful for our teachers, Terry and Michelle Holmes, and eager to see the fruit and God's faithfulness as we carry out what we learned.
the not-so-memorable memories: *I debated listing the worst memories of the year, because who wants to dwell on calamity? But I realized it's also a way to see the Lord's faithfulness and to remember it's only a season. He is good... all the time!
1. Anchor's two weeks of throwing up daily - grateful for doctors and a new formula that stopped the throw up and FINALLY allowed our little guy to grow!
2. my horrible GI bug - a week before Christmas I got a nasty GI bug. I started out feeling like I had the flu. That went away within 12 hours, but then I felt nauseous and completely lost my appetite. This lasted a week, had me convinced I was pregnant (even though Kenny had a vasectomy over a year ago!), and had me laying on the couch all.day.long. 48 hours after it began, I started diarrhea that lasted three endless days. It was such a weird stomach bug, and I wonder if it even messed with my hormones. I felt depressed and remember praying that God would spare me! Looking back I can laugh about it, but I know in the moment I didn't think I'd make it through the day. Kenny had to watch the boys, cook, clean, and all in the midst of holiday activities. Words cannot express my gratitude to the Lord for seeing us all through this week.
3. Maverick peeing on himself and me storming out of my mom's house - We celebrate Christmas with my mom on New Year's Eve. It was chaotic (as usual) but we were also having some discipline issues with Joshua based on an event that had happened a week before. I was in the playroom talking to Joshua. Maverick need to go to the bathroom. Kenny says he called for me, but I never heard him. Maverick ended up peeing on himself (and his BRAND NEW SHOES)! I walk *outside* to find him standing in the front yard, and my brother and his girlfriend laughing at him! It infuriated me! I stripped Maverick down, loaded him in the car naked and told Kenny to load the boys up. I was livid and done! I stormed through the house to gather my things, which I know ruins the mood for everyone. An hour later, after calming down, I realized I completely overreacted and missed out on finishing up Christmas with my family. (Christmas with my dad was spent on the couch with my GI bug... so both were pretty frustrating this year.) I admitted to my family that I have an anger problem and need to seek help for it. I know it's okay to be angry but I have to learn to control my anger and not let it dictate my actions. Hopefully there will be victorious posts about this in the future.
I have so many blog posts to catch up on and plan to do so soon. I'm really hoping 2017 will a turning point for me as a wife and mom. There's so much I've always wanted to be and do and yet have continually made excuses not to do them. My goals for this year are the EXACT same as last year! And these goals aren't like "climb mount everest," or "start a company and be on Forbes Fortune 500 list within a year." It's simply to have a daily quiet time, get our school done, maintain a clean/welcoming home, and workout 4-5x per week. Why are these easy tasks so monumental for me?!? I feel so lazy and unproductive. I'm seeking the Lord for answers - where is my time being wasted? How do I manage it better? What do I prioritize? My mom had a schedule and stuck to it as much as possible. For a long time, I thought that wouldn't work for our family. But I'm starting to think otherwise... Oh how my prayer is to have a completely different post at the end of this year. I want to write about my success and victory in this area. I read in Joshua 18 today about the Israelites who had not yet claimed the land the Lord had already given to them. Joshua asked "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land?" I wonder if God is just as frustrated with me... wondering when I will step up and claim the life of victory His one and only Son died to give me! Ouch. At this point, all I know to do is take it one day at a time. Lord, help me! I'm still praying about and seeking confirmation for our family verse. More to come...
