I am still in awe that God has blessed me with two (almost three) children. So much so that when the mothers were asked to stand in church yesterday, I had a hard time doing so.
It felt self-righteous to me.
I didn't become a mother by any act of my own. It was totally and completely by the grace of God alone. His hand that moved mountains for us to adopt Joshua. His hand that showed me what herbs and oils to use to conceive. His hand that sustained that pregnancy. And His hand that miraculously allowed us to get pregnant a second time without even trying.
Our pastor gave a special Mother's Day sermon and then said he felt he needed to do something he had done in the past but stopped. He knew there were women still trying to get pregnant and acknowledge that our God is a God of procreation. His heart is to open every womb!
He then asked women who once struggled with infertility but were prayed over and conceived to stand up. I wanted so badly to jump out of my seat and give Him the glory!! But I couldn't, because I had not stood up when previously asked if I was a mother. Lesson learned.
Our pastor then prayed for women still trying to get pregnant. My heart was so burdened, knowing that this day can bring such sadness to those struggling with infertility. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But at the same time, I am so grateful to have walked this road because it's where I found the sweetness, tender, loving-mercy of our God. He met me in those dark places and carried me through the days of hopelessness. I can truly say He is good. He is faithful. He cares. And He will carry us through whatever trials come our way.
Another obstacle I've experienced in my journey to motherhood is feeling an instant "love at first sight" kind of love for Joshua. I know we were to adopt him. But I've struggled finding the unconditional type of love for him that I have for Maverick. Today I found this article from Katie Davis's blog. She put into beautiful words what has been on my heart. It takes a while to "make strangers into family." And it is a choice to love... but that love grows. This article healed my heart and encouraged me to keep doing what I'm doing. Thank you Lord for the sweet ways You speak to Your children.
I got my first Mother's Day card this year... one that I will treasure forever! Joshua made me a mommy first and we are learning to love together.
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I still love my mommy bracelet and can't wait to add the fourth charm tomorrow after we find out if we're having a girl or boy!
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