old habits die hard

Joshua's had this fever since Saturday night. It fluctuates between 100-103. He complains of a stomach ache off and on, but nothing else. No vomiting. No diarrhea. No constipation. But he's also had no appetite, very unlike him. And has been pretty lethargic, also very unlike him.

My instinct (which I learned from being raised with this mindset) is to think worst case scenario with symptoms I'm not familiar with or have not experienced myself.  In my experience, fever has always been accompanied by something... pain, aches, vomiting, diarrhea, etc.  But I've also been told a low grade fever is GOOD as it fights off infection.  I've been warned about being too quick to reduce it.

But after 36 hours of fever!?!?  I've been racking my brain, scouring the internet, texting friends, trying to figure out what this could be.

I'd ask Joshua questions, but our conversations go like this:

me: What's wrong?
J: My tummy hurts.
me: Where?
J: I don't know.
me: What else is wrong? Do you hurt anywhere else?
J:  Yes.
me: Where?  (becoming extremely frustrated)
J: I don't know.
me: Does your forehead hurt?
J: Yes.
me: Does your throat hurt?
J: Yes.
me: Does your leg hurt?  (wondering if he knows what he's saying)
J:  Yes.

It's so difficult to "diagnose" a patient that doesn't clearly communicate what ails them.

Fearing the worst, thinking this has gone on long enough, knowing doctors must have a way to treat patients that can't communicate, I asked Kenny if I could call the pediatrician and take Joshua in.

Kenny's response: He's fine!

Immediately, my mind started to race with fears of Joshua having a ruptured appendix, an infection that spread rapidly throughout his body, or even dying!

I began pleading with Kenny to make him see my point of view and agree that Joshua should see the doctor. My volume level quickly escalated to a yell, and I was holding Maverick.  Kenny shut down and left the house.

I texted Lindsay to hear her thoughts. As a mom of four, who RARELY takes her kids to the doctor, and who treats them naturally, I knew she'd point me in the right direction.

Her response: He's fine!

REALLY!?!?!?

But it was quickly followed by a phone call. (Thank You Lord!)  She explained her thought process: Fever fights off infection. He had a stomach bug on Thursday/Friday, got the fever on Saturday night. His body was learning to heal itself.  (This little boy was constantly on antibiotics and in and out of the hospital from birth to age two. His body didn't do anything on its own until we adopted him.) Joshua's recovery from the stomach bug was going to look different than mine and Kenny's.  I needed to continue to boost his immune system and give him plenty of water. It would just take time. After a week, I might have reason to be concerned.

Her explanation made perfect sense. Healing naturally always takes more time, but it strengthens our immune system! Joshua's little body is starting from scratch, learning how to heal and fight infection without antibiotics. I felt like Kenny's response was simply because he didn't want to waste $80 on a doctor visit and not because he truly believed that Joshua was okay.

I'm so thankful for Lindsay's patience and willingness to help me think logically and not let my fears force me to go against Kenny's will by taking Joshua in. A lot of people tell me to trust my mommy instincts, and because of that I was tempted to just make an appointment and go in. But I want to be careful that my "mommy instincts" are not coming from a place of fear and doubt but from a heart that's sought the Lord, prayed for His will, and thought logically about what's best for our family.

The phrase "old habits die hard" came to mind today as I've realized I'm really going to have to work at not thinking worst case scenario whenever our kids get sick.  I want Kenny to respect me and my instincts regarding their health, especially since I'm with them all day. But that will never happen when I'm acting from a place of fear.

Thankfully, I have the Holy Spirit's guidance, strength, and help in changing my thought process. "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7)

Lord, help me seek You first whenever our children get sick. You are the Healer, You created our bodies to heal themselves, and gave us natural medicines to help the process and strengthen our bodies. Help me to think rationally before letting fear rule my decisions. Amen.