He is faithful

I FINALLY had a breakthrough!

The Lord FINALLY answered my prayers and has confirmed in my heart *my* verse for this year.

FINALLY.

The key:  spending such sweet, beautiful, intimate time with my Maker, Creator, Father, Savior, and Leader.

Oh what a dry season I have been through!  Having babies is tough. Acid-freaking-reflux is tough. Adopting is tough. Three-year-olds are tough. Homeschooling is tough. And I've been through it all this last year.

Looking back, I see that I shut down.  I'm an introvert... and just like everything else, being that way has its strengths and weaknesses.  Instead of reaching out and asking for help, I withdrew.  Instead of daily knocking at my Father's door for His sufficient grace, I withdrew.  I put on a mask, pretended everything was fine, grit my teeth, and just tried to make it through each day... one.day.at.a.time.  And sure enough, 2016 came and went.

But now 2017 is here, and I'm dry parched, desperate, and longing for life, joy, purpose, and true motherhood.  I've always dreamed of being a mommy and had *the best* mother (and grandmother) as an example to follow.  I know what the Lord has put in me, and have been at a loss as to how to get it out.

So I began again what I know in my heart-of-hearts is the answer to everything... spending time with Jesus (using my beloved tabs system).  Here are the dates/highlights from my journal entries:


January 2
Matt 22 - love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind
Gen 21 - God is with you in all that you do
Titus 3 - I want to bear much fruit!
Psalm 21 - there is strength, blessing, and success in the Lord and His unfailing love -- He gives life
*I will not be moved*
Prov 20 - may the Lord find me genuinely faithful (not just appearance)

January 3
Joshua 18 - don't wait to claim something the Lord has already given to me 

January 9
Gen 22 - Abraham had SO MUCH faith and trust in the promises of God -- he worshipped as he obeyed (no fear)
Psalm 22 - He has always been with me - I can always call on His name
Prov 21 - it doesn't matter that I think what I'm doing is right - God looks at my heart (which shows anger)
Joshua 19 - He is faithful and will keep His promises... but I have a part too -- sometimes that means fighting

January 10
Matt 24 - I don't want my love to grow cold - for my family or others; I want people to know me by Christ's love in me, NOT my anger!
1 Cor 7 - my undivided devotion is to the Lord alone - stop trying to "please" others, especially if that means not obeying what the Lord has put on my heart: spending time with boys, praying, devotions, movie/game night
James 1 - God forgive me for doubting You and not earnestly seeking wisdom from You; how gracious You are to show me anyway and gently convict me; my belief in Christ is worthless if I can't control my tongue and love Joshua - an "orphan" and "perfect gift" whom God gave to me

January 11
Psalms 23 - "He leads me" - when Kenny can't/doesn't; when I feel "alone" in parenting; when I don't know what to do/where to go
Prov 22 - my job is to train (set an example for) my boys: love the Lord and others; the rest is not my responsibility or something I can control
Joshua 20 - the Lord takes such great care of His people - protecting us and fulfilling even the tiniest details of His promises

January 12
Gen 24 - God so beautifully and divinely orchestrates events in my life
1 Cor 8 - I want to know God and be known by Him - search my heart oh Lord
James 2 - be careful not to judge others, "show no partiality" - love others as myself
Psalms 24 - I want to be known as a "woman who seeks God's face"
Prov 23 - goal in discipline is character training (NOT behavior control)
Joshua 21 - they took possession and settled... and God gave them rest; ALL of His promises came to pass
Acts 20 - my flock = my 3 boys and they were purchased with His blood too


Retyping my words has shown me even more than I had planned to write.  How many of these entries answer my *exact* frustrations?!?   About motherhood?  About life and joy?  About purpose?

ALL of them.

How good is our God to use His Word that is thousands of years old and yet He makes it applicable to my most pressing issues and concerns!?!

My spirit has been refreshed (and it must be mentioned that we are studying water this week and Joshua's principle is: Jesus gives my spirit living water to drink). Yay God!

BUT the coolest thing is the verses He's confirmed for me... yes, me!  I've been trying to come up with a "family" verse, but in all honesty, the boys are still young and I can't be Kenny's Holy Spirit. So instead of forcing this on them, I'm claiming it and speaking it over myself.

I mentioned in my previous post about a verse in Joshua 18 - "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land, which the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?" (verse 3)

God has done His part.  He parted the Red Sea to physically and legally bring us Joshua.  I have prayed and prayed, begging Him to knit our hearts and have been so frustrated that nothing was changing. This last week, He has gently whispered on my heart that I have not done my part. I have "put off" claiming Joshua as my own.

In Joshua 19:47, the tribe of Dan had to fight against Leshem and capture it before they could take possession of it and settle in it.  I felt God calling me to fight for a deeper relationship with Joshua - to capture him as my own.

The Lord immediately started showing me things I do for Maverick/Anchor that I have not done with Joshua. He's told me to write them down (and I'm sure He'll be adding to the list):
1. smiling when I talk to him
2. snuggling, hugging, kissing on him throughout day
3. pulling him into my lap - he's not too old/heavy
4. sitting next to him at table 
5. lovingly touching him - putting lotion on him
6. *not* disciplining him for every little thing (or even some of the big things)
7. laughing with him
8. controlling my temper around him - because I can't control his behavior
9. holding his face and looking into his eyes
10. taking pictures/videos of things he does too

Finally, in Joshua 21:44-45, the Lord gave the Israelites "rest" after taking possession of the land He had promised them.  What more peace can there be?!  There will finally be rest in our family after we have fought... claimed... and settled with Joshua as our very own firstborn.

So there it is:  "How long will you put off going in to take possession... fight... capture... settle... rest."  (Joshua 18:3, 19:47, 21:44)

Last year the Lord called me to spend time in His Word daily.  While I failed miserably at that, I'm ready for a second chance.  I'm tired of putting it off and am ready to step into His calling for me.  I don't want to just have an appearance of genuine faith.  As I said in my previous post, all I know to do is take it day by day... not in survival mode as I did last year.  But in intimate relationship with my heavenly Father.  I can't speak to what next week/month will like for me.  But tomorrow morning, I'll be up at 6AM to spend time with my Maker and see what He has for me that day.

I know He will continue to be faithful.

Someone posted this video on Facebook because it reminded her of her grandmother.  This song is called "He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves.  It's absolutely beautiful and I long for this to be said about me some day.  I know it means more trials will come my way... but if faithfully walking through them brings more glory to God, then I'm willing to walk whatever road He has for me.

grafted

I am loving, let me say it again, LOVING this tabs system for reading the Bible. It has brought me such joy and delight and I truly look forward to it every day.  God is just so cool!

It amazes me that the Bible, written thousands of years ago, can still apply to us today.  And no matter how many times we read it, He will always be faithful to show us something new.  There's enough material that it never gets old!

We heard a sermon in church on Sunday from David Barton about how well our founding fathers knew the Bible.  It blew me away!  We know so little and it's one of the reasons our country is spiraling out of control.  God has been faithful to show me that what He says in Joshua 1 is foundational to our success in life: "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success."  This is our family verse for this year, and the tabs system has helped us implement God's command. For the first time in a long time, we are BOTH reading His Word daily, taking notes, and being careful to apply it to our lives... something only God gets credit for!

Today I was reading in Acts 13 about how salvation is offered to the Jew first and then the Gentiles (vs 46-47). The Lord showed me this is how I should view my relationship with Joshua. He has been chosen by God to be grafted into our family, to magnify His kindness and sovereignty.  He is NOT an afterthought, or second best.  I am to welcome him with open arms, just as the father to the prodigal son did. It was never God's design for us to raise someone else's child. But He is a redemptive God with unfailing, unconditional love for all.  I have been grafted into His family and receive all the benefits as a daughter of the Most High God.  No amount of love, blessing, or promise is withheld from me, even though I am not a Jew.  As a Wright, Joshua now shares in the root of our family... which means gaining a daddy, mommy, brothers, extended family, love and acceptance, and most importantly Jesus Christ... all things he did not have before.  Nothing is to be withheld from him.

These were powerful words for me today as I continue seeking Him and His purpose in bringing Joshua into our family.  I know it serves many purposes, including our sanctification and to show us our Father's heart.  He is so, so good!

I love the words to this song "No Longer Slaves."  How humbled and grateful I am to be a child of God. My prayers are that Joshua will know the depths of the love of his heavenly Father and that our bond will be strengthened and irreplaceable.

You unravel me with a melody, You surround me with a song 

Of deliverance from my enemies, 'til all my fears are gone

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

From my mother's womb, You have chosen me, love has called my name

I've been born again, into Your family, Your blood flows through my veins

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

You split the sea so I could walk right through it

My fears were drowned in perfect love

You rescued me, And I could stand and sing

I am a child of God

I'm no longer a slave to fear

I am a child of God

family discipleship

There are a lot of changes happening around our house. But none that anyone would notice.

We've been learning about Family Discipleship (through sermons and a handbook from the Village Church) and this week we were encouraged to change our spiritual lives... for us as individuals, as spouses, and as parents.

In a nutshell, here are some of the things we will be implementing:

1. reading the Word daily using the Tabs system - Basically, you read one chapter from 10 different books in the Bible daily.  Read more about it here.

2. Kenny and I meeting once a week to discuss hopes, dreams, failures, what the Lord is teaching us, etc. - consider this a spiritual check-in with spouse

3. family devotions every night - In order to make this possible, we are moving dinner time to 5:30 so that afterwards we can clean up, get ready for bed, spend time discipling our kids, and have a bedtime routine... all before 7:00!

4. family night once a month - think Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, bike rides, walks to the park, swimming, movies and popcorn, etc.  The only thing not allowed is computers and cell phones!

5. one-on-one time with each boy once a month - Anchor is too small right now, but we both want to spend quality time with the boys on their own.  This means lots of mother/son date nights!

* * * * * * * * * *

This article (from Proverbs31 Ministries) also really spoke to me today as I begin my spiritual journey transformation. Oh how often we need to be meditating on His word... it is life - the very air we breathe!

The Motherhood Press - by Brooke McGlothlin

“I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11 (ESV)

I sat in the late evening sun on the front porch of our home, head in hands, tears streaming down my face, rendered speechless by the realization that I didn’t have what it took to be the kind of mom I wanted to be.

Before having kids, I’d never really failed at anything. Oh sure, I had been through failed relationships. I’d come close to failing a test here and there. I even failed to live up to my own expectations from time to time, but never the big things. Every goal I set for myself I achieved. But as a mom — the one thing I really wanted to get right in life — I was failing.

I wanted everyone to believe I was capable of handling the two beautiful boys God gave me, but I wasn’t.

I wanted everyone to believe I could juggle work, kids, husband, home and church with ease, but I couldn’t.

I wanted everyone to believe crying babies, nursing problems, shift work and the Terrible Twos weren’t too much for me all at once, but they were.

And what I really wanted everyone to believe — that I was a confident, capable, smart, fully independent woman — was keeping me from admitting the truth. I didn’t have what it took.

Motherhood showed me just how much I needed Jesus. 

It scraped me, rubbed me raw and pressed ugly emotions and words out of my heart I didn’t even know were there.

If you asked people I grew up with to describe my personality, I’m happy to report words like “angry, insensitive, overbearing, short-tempered and unkind” would not have topped the list. But there, sitting on my front porch in front of all my neighbors, not really caring who saw, I realized the woman I so proudly presented to others wasn’t the real me.

The truth taunted me and beat me down. The person I thought I was didn’t exist, and for the first time, I couldn’t fix my situation by working a little bit harder. My need was greater than my ability. I simply couldn’t do it by myself.

Why does it take motherhood to bring out the worst in us? Maybe it’s because most of us have never really been pressed so hard, pushed so hard or loved so hard. We’re like children eating a jelly-filled donut. When little hands squeeze, the jelly hiding inside dumps into their lap … and when life presses a mama too hard, sin lurking in her heart comes out and dumps on the people she loves most.

I love today’s key verse, Psalm 119:11. I learned it as a child, and its simplicity is the perfect antidote to my challenging, chaotic mothering days: “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.”

I learned a life lesson that day I hope will stick with me forever. What’s in our hearts will come out, good or bad. In order to be the kind of godly women we want to be, we have to store God’s Word in our hearts, letting it change who we are in our most-hidden places, so when we’re pressed, His love pours out.

Father, give me a never-ending desire to spend my moments storing up the treasures in Your Word, so that when I’m pressed by life’s challenges I might not sin against You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY:

Matthew 12:34b, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (ESV)

Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” (ESV)