We finally had the inevitable... a broken bone! <womp womp> Anchor and Maverick were playing Tortilla Factory in the garage. They toss elastic workout bands on the treadmill and watch them fall off... and put that on repeat.#boymom One of the bands started to go under the belt and Anchor tried to get it out. 😖 I was getting ready for the day (it was around 7:30am) and Maverick came running in with Anchor screaming behind him. (This is a somewhat normal occurrence... "he hit me, he took my car, I fell off my bike, Blue chewed my shoes up" etc). I heard "Anchor got his hands stuck in the treadmill" and saw they were scraped and some of the skin had come off. At first, I thought it was similar to a stubbed toe. However, Anchor kept screaming and has hands were badly shaking. Kenny had left to go get tacos, a car wash, and gas (thank you Covid-19)! I FaceTimed him and he decided to come home. Meanwhile, Anchor kept screaming and I knew it was much worse than stubbed toe. A lot of skin and been ripped off and his fingers were quickly swelling. I called my sister, who can be so calm in these situations, but neither one of us knew what to do. 😂 When Kenny got home, he agreed we should call our pediatrician (who is a family doctor with many years of ER experience). We definitely didn't want to deal with the ER and coronavirus and quarantine. Kenny called his mom to come watch Joshua and Maverick, and I'll never forget how quickly she responded without asking any questions. We gave Anchor some ibuprofen and headed out the door.
Mama's adrenaline didn't wear off until 5 that afternoon and I.Was.Toast and sick to my stomach. I could hardly eat all day and cycled with a friend to distract my racing mind. My energy was in the negatives. We had Sonic for dinner (at Anchor's request) and called it a day. We were supposed to go to my sister's house and have a parade for Nana, see the Blue Angels fly over DFW, and then play at a park. Anchor was SO excited and wore his airplane shirt. Despite everything that happened though, he had a great attitude! I'm so thankful for our doctor, for family and prayers, and that we serve a God who goes before us and prepares the way: getting into pediatrician instead of ER, Janette being able to watch boys, Kenny being close to home, Anchor pulling his hands out of treadmill before more damage could have been done, and giving us bodies that heal! God is good, no matter what!
It's been exactly a year since we "bought a little piece of paradise."
So I figured it was time for an update.
At the beginning of this year, Kenny decided to buy an addtional half acre of land. We just closed on the new section and are ready to build!!!
Kenny has been working on these plans since we bought the lot. I remember wondering why on earth he started working on them so early... now I know. There have been hundreds of revisions, going back and forth about what to keep and what to delete, the layout, the square footage, the roof line, the elevation, etc. I never knew how much was involved in making a set of plans.
We are SO grateful to Terry Holmes for spending countless hours (in his spare time) working with us, listening to us, and drawing up the most beautiful house I've ever seen... our dream home!
I told Kenny as he showed me plans, they didn't look right but I didn't know what was wrong/missing. To me, it was just a house. Kenny was frustrated with how heavy it seemed on one side, or how the flow wasn't just right. But no matter what issue we had, Terry patiently and brilliantly worked until he found a solution. Once Kenny showed me the *final* set of plans, my jaw dropped and I knew this was our home!
front
back
side
We'll have 4 bedrooms, 4.5 baths, a large kitchen/den area for entertaining, a school room, an office, and maybe one day a media room.
first floor
second floor
Our prayers are that this home would be a place where God is glorified, people are always welcome, and family is protected and strengthened. We have had dreams of hosting youth group events since we dated. I have many other ideas of what we could do, but we'll see where the Lord takes us.
I'm looking forward to claiming this land and stepping into what the Lord has for us in Hickory Creek.
If I haven't said it before, this is truly a dream come true! We are beyond grateful for how He has blessed us, and pray that this would all be used for His glory and His alone.
I plan to have a dedication day and invite family/friends to write scriptures on the walls. Stay tuned!
We've recently felt the Lord calling us to change churches. This is huge for us because we *loved* Gateway. I didn't have anything negative to say about it... other than the distance. But in a metroplex as large as DFW, it seems like everything is a fifteen to twenty minute drive, minimum!
It started when we were in Abilene with Mollie and Eric. During dinner, they were talking about the pastor of Bethel Church, Bill Johnson. They had read articles calling him a heretic. This shocked both Kenny and me, because we love Bethel Music. Kenny didn't care to get too deep into conversation but came home and started researching Pastor Morris, from Gateway.
What we found was deeply upsetting. Yet for the first time, it caused us both to research (on our own) what we believe and why.
I've heard about the "prosperity gospel" from John Piper, and have never been in support of it. However, I have a hard time deciphering what is and is not "prosperity" teaching. I know Joel Osteen is, but would never have put Robert Morris in the same category. Joel spoke at Gateway several years back and it bothered me greatly, but I couldn't figure it out. Gateway had also brought in speakers like Jimmy Evans and Max Lucado. How could they have such different speakers, with different beliefs, speak at their church?
We read many articles about Morris and how his teaching lines up with the prosperity gospel. After thinking about it, I realized how little he talked about the gospel and our desperate need for a savior. At the end of his sermon, he would encourage people to accept Jesus, but there was no clear explanation of the gospel - how we are all sinners, and by God's grace alone (and His sovereign choosing) are we saved through belief in Jesus Christ and the blood He shed for our sins.
I learned how to detect the prosperity gospel (see here). And to not pick a church because of how I feel, but because of what we believe.
So we looked at several churches, reading line by line their beliefs/convictions, and tried to narrow it down. I then made a pro/con list, thinking that would make it clear. But no one church stood out to us. We ended up visiting a church a few weeks ago, but felt the preaching was weak.
The following weekend, I pressured (nagged, I'm ashamed to say) Kenny into picking a church for us to try. I finally realized forcing him was not right either. So I told him we could take a few weeks off to pray about it.
On Monday, I went to CG and asked a guy (Josh) who had talked about pastoring a start up church where it was located. He gave me his card and I planned to look it up, but the day got away from me.
On Tuesday, we were hitting a wall in school and I needed a break. I decided to look up the church.
It's called Redeemer Church of Denton and they're located in South Denton... 8 (yes, EIGHT) minutes away from where we are building. My spirit jumped inside me and with each page I clicked on, I got more excited about it.
1. They teach exegetically - what I've longed for and missed!
2. They have a heart and desire to reach their city... not because they have the answers, but because Jesus does.
3. It is endorsed by Tom Nelson (pastor at Denton Bible Church) and supported by The Village Church. (these are the two churches we had narrowed it down to)
4. One service - 10:30 on Sunday. Kenny has always preferred the early service. But I'm wondering if this will be good for us... to intentionally make time for the Sabbath. I'm thinking big breakfasts, church, lunch, naps, and more family time.
5. It's small, currently 100 in attendance on average. I was reading Job 29 on Monday and felt the Lord encourage me to pray these verses over Kenny... that he would be a helper to the poor, father to the fatherless, give wisdom and council, and remain deeply rooted in the Lord. Janette has told me that a prophetic word was spoken over Kenny years ago that he would be an elder in the church one day. Because this is a start up church, I feel like Kenny has a lot to offer and more opportunities to be used however the Lord wills.
6. Because of it's size, Kenny was concerned for their lack of funds. But I feel like with our tithe God could do so much more and it will go so much further at Redeemer than it ever could at Gateway.
7. In our research, we learned that if no church in the area meets our needs, to gather people and meet in a home. With this church being so small, it feels like that.
8. Opportunities to start ministries are endless - choir, adoption, homeschool, youth, etc.
9. We were put in Hickory Creek "for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14)... being just eight minutes from the church opens the door for many gatherings.
10. Kids ministry is small - so our kids are in classes with multi-age children. This is a Montessori concept and I truly believe in it. It's so cool to see the older kids help the younger, and encourages the younger to be more mature.
The entire time I was looking at the website, I kept hearing the word "providence." This is not coincidence. I was pushing, nagging, begging Kenny to decide. And once I let it go, and told him to take the time he needed, this literally fell in our laps. It never pulled up in my research. God perfectly planned me to start CG, meet Josh, and switch churches within a few months.
My prayer is that we would become involved, serve as a family, and reach our neighborhood for the glory of God. We long for people to do life with, and being part of a church that is so close makes that easier. I remind my boys often of our motto: "Wrights are lights." But it's harder to shine when everyone around is already a light. Denton is a lost city. And we've lived near Denton for most of our married life. Hickory Creek puts us the closest we've ever been. Since we are building our "forever" home, I think it's time we find our "forever church." Oh how I pray Redeemer Denton becomes that for us.
Lord, I thank You for Your providence. Your beautiful, sovereign, perfect providence. I thank You for leading us to this church. I pray Your blessings over the church, that they would reach the city of Denton and win many over to Christ. Help them to be Your hands and feet, to serve as You served and love as You loved. May they always be a bright light on a dark hill. Purpose their every step and move to align with Your will. Show us if this is where You want us. Continue to give us clear confirmation and direction. It doesn't matter how much I love it, if it's not where You want us, we don't want to be there. Prepare our hearts to visit on Sunday. Open our eyes and hearts to see this church and these people through Your eyes. In Jesus name, Amen.
The Lord FINALLY answered my prayers and has confirmed in my heart *my* verse for this year.
FINALLY.
The key: spending such sweet, beautiful, intimate time with my Maker, Creator, Father, Savior, and Leader.
Oh what a dry season I have been through! Having babies is tough. Acid-freaking-reflux is tough. Adopting is tough. Three-year-olds are tough. Homeschooling is tough. And I've been through it all this last year.
Looking back, I see that I shut down. I'm an introvert... and just like everything else, being that way has its strengths and weaknesses. Instead of reaching out and asking for help, I withdrew. Instead of daily knocking at my Father's door for His sufficient grace, I withdrew. I put on a mask, pretended everything was fine, grit my teeth, and just tried to make it through each day... one.day.at.a.time. And sure enough, 2016 came and went.
But now 2017 is here, and I'm dry parched, desperate, and longing for life, joy, purpose, and true motherhood. I've always dreamed of being a mommy and had *the best* mother (and grandmother) as an example to follow. I know what the Lord has put in me, and have been at a loss as to how to get it out.
So I began again what I know in my heart-of-hearts is the answer to everything... spending time with Jesus (using my beloved tabs system). Here are the dates/highlights from my journal entries:
January 2
Matt 22 - love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind
Gen 21 - God is with you in all that you do
Titus 3 - I want to bear much fruit!
Psalm 21 - there is strength, blessing, and success in the Lord and His unfailing love -- He gives life
*I will not be moved*
Prov 20 - may the Lord find me genuinely faithful (not just appearance)
January 3
Joshua 18 - don't wait to claim something the Lord has already given to me
January 9
Gen 22 - Abraham had SO MUCH faith and trust in the promises of God -- he worshipped as he obeyed (no fear)
Psalm 22 - He has always been with me - I can always call on His name
Prov 21 - it doesn't matter that I think what I'm doing is right - God looks at my heart (which shows anger)
Joshua 19 - He is faithful and will keep His promises... but I have a part too -- sometimes that means fighting January 10
Matt 24 - I don't want my love to grow cold - for my family or others; I want people to know me by Christ's love in me, NOT my anger!
1 Cor 7 - my undivided devotion is to the Lord alone - stop trying to "please" others, especially if that means not obeying what the Lord has put on my heart: spending time with boys, praying, devotions, movie/game night
James 1 - God forgive me for doubting You and not earnestly seeking wisdom from You; how gracious You are to show me anyway and gently convict me; my belief in Christ is worthless if I can't control my tongue and love Joshua - an "orphan" and "perfect gift" whom God gave to me
January 11
Psalms 23 - "He leads me" - when Kenny can't/doesn't; when I feel "alone" in parenting; when I don't know what to do/where to go
Prov 22 - my job is to train (set an example for) my boys: love the Lord and others; the rest is not my responsibility or something I can control
Joshua 20 - the Lord takes such great care of His people - protecting us and fulfilling even the tiniest details of His promises
January 12
Gen 24 - God so beautifully and divinely orchestrates events in my life
1 Cor 8 - I want to know God and be known by Him - search my heart oh Lord
James 2 - be careful not to judge others, "show no partiality" - love others as myself
Psalms 24 - I want to be known as a "woman who seeks God's face"
Prov 23 - goal in discipline is character training (NOT behavior control)
Joshua 21 - they took possession and settled... and God gave them rest; ALL of His promises came to pass
Acts 20 - my flock = my 3 boys and they were purchased with His blood too
Retyping my words has shown me even more than I had planned to write. How many of these entries answer my *exact* frustrations?!? About motherhood? About life and joy? About purpose?
ALL of them.
How good is our God to use His Word that is thousands of years old and yet He makes it applicable to my most pressing issues and concerns!?!
My spirit has been refreshed (and it must be mentioned that we are studying water this week and Joshua's principle is: Jesus gives my spirit living water to drink). Yay God!
BUT the coolest thing is the verses He's confirmed for me... yes, me! I've been trying to come up with a "family" verse, but in all honesty, the boys are still young and I can't be Kenny's Holy Spirit. So instead of forcing this on them, I'm claiming it and speaking it over myself.
I mentioned in my previous post about a verse in Joshua 18 - "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land, which the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?" (verse 3)
God has done His part. He parted the Red Sea to physically and legally bring us Joshua. I have prayed and prayed, begging Him to knit our hearts and have been so frustrated that nothing was changing. This last week, He has gently whispered on my heart that I have not done my part. I have "put off" claiming Joshua as my own.
In Joshua 19:47, the tribe of Dan had to fight against Leshem and capture it before they could take possession of it and settle in it. I felt God calling me to fight for a deeper relationship with Joshua - to capture him as my own.
The Lord immediately started showing me things I do for Maverick/Anchor that I have not done with Joshua. He's told me to write them down (and I'm sure He'll be adding to the list):
1. smiling when I talk to him
2. snuggling, hugging, kissing on him throughout day
3. pulling him into my lap - he's not too old/heavy
4. sitting next to him at table
5. lovingly touching him - putting lotion on him
6. *not* disciplining him for every little thing (or even some of the big things)
7. laughing with him
8. controlling my temper around him - because I can't control his behavior
9. holding his face and looking into his eyes
10. taking pictures/videos of things he does too
Finally, in Joshua 21:44-45, the Lord gave the Israelites "rest" after taking possession of the land He had promised them. What more peace can there be?! There will finally be rest in our family after we have fought... claimed... and settled with Joshua as our very own firstborn.
So there it is: "How long will you put off going in to take possession... fight... capture... settle... rest." (Joshua 18:3, 19:47, 21:44)
Last year the Lord called me to spend time in His Word daily. While I failed miserably at that, I'm ready for a second chance. I'm tired of putting it off and am ready to step into His calling for me. I don't want to just have an appearance of genuine faith. As I said in my previous post, all I know to do is take it day by day... not in survival mode as I did last year. But in intimate relationship with my heavenly Father. I can't speak to what next week/month will like for me. But tomorrow morning, I'll be up at 6AM to spend time with my Maker and see what He has for me that day.
I know He will continue to be faithful.
Someone posted this video on Facebook because it reminded her of her grandmother. This song is called "He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves. It's absolutely beautiful and I long for this to be said about me some day. I know it means more trials will come my way... but if faithfully walking through them brings more glory to God, then I'm willing to walk whatever road He has for me.
5. state fair with Crowells - here are some highlights
ready to watch the parade
6. Christmas in Austin
7. Allen's Holiday Soiree "afterparty: - where Kenny and I got caught having a little too much fun in the car afterwards. It's definitely something I can look back on and laugh about. But in the moment, I was completely humiliated!! The party was so much fun and it was pretty cool being "the contractor's wife!" I felt like a movie star.
8. Arrow's Academy began - it's been a dream of mine for so long!! We are still working out the kinks, but I'm so thankful I'm able to homeschool our boys. They are pretty excited about it too... just look at their faces upon receiving their school for next year!
9. Fossil Rim
10. field trips and fellowship with great friends - We've been blessed to go on so many great field trips with our homeschool group. I love the weather in Texas is nice 90% of the time. There is so much to do year round!
And there have been countless late nights at our house playing games with friends, listening to music in the park, grilling/cooking, and enjoying each other's company. Our hearts (and tummies) are very full!
trolley in Downtown Dallas
Highland Park Soda Fountain
Heard Museum in McKinney
Irving Symphony Orchestra
Henrietta Creek Apple Orchard
Dallas Zoo
Arbor Hills Nature Preserve
We are also so blessed and grateful for our health and Kenny's great year of business. We also took a Growing Kids Gods Way class that taught us so much about parenting - structure, discipline, and creating a family that our kids love to be a part of. I'm beyond grateful for our teachers, Terry and Michelle Holmes, and eager to see the fruit and God's faithfulness as we carry out what we learned.
the not-so-memorable memories: *I debated listing the worst memories of the year, because who wants to dwell on calamity? But I realized it's also a way to see the Lord's faithfulness and to remember it's only a season. He is good... all the time!
1. Anchor's two weeks of throwing up daily - grateful for doctors and a new formula that stopped the throw up and FINALLY allowed our little guy to grow!
2. my horrible GI bug - a week before Christmas I got a nasty GI bug. I started out feeling like I had the flu. That went away within 12 hours, but then I felt nauseous and completely lost my appetite. This lasted a week, had me convinced I was pregnant (even though Kenny had a vasectomy over a year ago!), and had me laying on the couch all.day.long. 48 hours after it began, I started diarrhea that lasted three endless days. It was such a weird stomach bug, and I wonder if it even messed with my hormones. I felt depressed and remember praying that God would spare me! Looking back I can laugh about it, but I know in the moment I didn't think I'd make it through the day. Kenny had to watch the boys, cook, clean, and all in the midst of holiday activities. Words cannot express my gratitude to the Lord for seeing us all through this week.
3. Maverick peeing on himself and me storming out of my mom's house - We celebrate Christmas with my mom on New Year's Eve. It was chaotic (as usual) but we were also having some discipline issues with Joshua based on an event that had happened a week before. I was in the playroom talking to Joshua. Maverick need to go to the bathroom. Kenny says he called for me, but I never heard him. Maverick ended up peeing on himself (and his BRAND NEW SHOES)! I walk *outside* to find him standing in the front yard, and my brother and his girlfriend laughing at him! It infuriated me! I stripped Maverick down, loaded him in the car naked and told Kenny to load the boys up. I was livid and done! I stormed through the house to gather my things, which I know ruins the mood for everyone. An hour later, after calming down, I realized I completely overreacted and missed out on finishing up Christmas with my family. (Christmas with my dad was spent on the couch with my GI bug... so both were pretty frustrating this year.) I admitted to my family that I have an anger problem and need to seek help for it. I know it's okay to be angry but I have to learn to control my anger and not let it dictate my actions. Hopefully there will be victorious posts about this in the future.
I have so many blog posts to catch up on and plan to do so soon. I'm really hoping 2017 will a turning point for me as a wife and mom. There's so much I've always wanted to be and do and yet have continually made excuses not to do them. My goals for this year are the EXACT same as last year! And these goals aren't like "climb mount everest," or "start a company and be on Forbes Fortune 500 list within a year." It's simply to have a daily quiet time, get our school done, maintain a clean/welcoming home, and workout 4-5x per week. Why are these easy tasks so monumental for me?!? I feel so lazy and unproductive. I'm seeking the Lord for answers - where is my time being wasted? How do I manage it better? What do I prioritize? My mom had a schedule and stuck to it as much as possible. For a long time, I thought that wouldn't work for our family. But I'm starting to think otherwise... Oh how my prayer is to have a completely different post at the end of this year. I want to write about my success and victory in this area. I read in Joshua 18 today about the Israelites who had not yet claimed the land the Lord had already given to them. Joshua asked "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land?" I wonder if God is just as frustrated with me... wondering when I will step up and claim the life of victory His one and only Son died to give me! Ouch. At this point, all I know to do is take it one day at a time. Lord, help me! I'm still praying about and seeking confirmation for our family verse. More to come...
Oh how my heart hurts for Abbey D'Agostino. She was running the 5,000 meter qualifier when she was tripped by Nikki Hamblin. She helped Nikki get up and encouraged her to finish the race. Later, Abbey found out she had a complete tear of the ACL, a meniscus tear and a strained MCL. I don't know exactly what that entails, but I know it means she would not run in the final and that she's headed home for surgery and a long recovery.
But I'm so impressed with how she's handled the media since the incident. When asked what was in her that allowed her to respond the way she did, Abbey said "it's the spirit of God in me." And in this article, she says "God prepared her heart to respond that way."
I want to teach my boys to be lights. And what better way to be a light for God than giving Him the glory for the world to see. Matthew 5:14-15 says:
"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp an put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
Abbey, we are praying for you and your recovery and the plans God has for your future. Thank you for being an inspiration and a beautiful light. I know the Lord is smiling down on you and will walk beside you every step of the way as you recover and seek His will for what He has in store for you. My heart hurts that your Olympic dream ended this way. But I know we serve a redeeming God and you will be immensely blessed!!
* * * * * * * * * *
Here's another article about diver David Boudia. I just love when athletes give glory to the one who deserves ALL glory!
I am loving, let me say it again, LOVING this tabs system for reading the Bible. It has brought me such joy and delight and I truly look forward to it every day. God is just so cool!
It amazes me that the Bible, written thousands of years ago, can still apply to us today. And no matter how many times we read it, He will always be faithful to show us something new. There's enough material that it never gets old!
We heard a sermon in church on Sunday from David Barton about how well our founding fathers knew the Bible. It blew me away! We know so little and it's one of the reasons our country is spiraling out of control. God has been faithful to show me that what He says in Joshua 1 is foundational to our success in life: "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success." This is our family verse for this year, and the tabs system has helped us implement God's command. For the first time in a long time, we are BOTH reading His Word daily, taking notes, and being careful to apply it to our lives... something only God gets credit for!
Today I was reading in Acts 13 about how salvation is offered to the Jew first and then the Gentiles (vs 46-47). The Lord showed me this is how I should view my relationship with Joshua. He has been chosen by God to be grafted into our family, to magnify His kindness and sovereignty. He is NOT an afterthought, or second best. I am to welcome him with open arms, just as the father to the prodigal son did. It was never God's design for us to raise someone else's child. But He is a redemptive God with unfailing, unconditional love for all. I have been grafted into His family and receive all the benefits as a daughter of the Most High God. No amount of love, blessing, or promise is withheld from me, even though I am not a Jew. As a Wright, Joshua now shares in the root of our family... which means gaining a daddy, mommy, brothers, extended family, love and acceptance, and most importantly Jesus Christ... all things he did not have before. Nothing is to be withheld from him.
These were powerful words for me today as I continue seeking Him and His purpose in bringing Joshua into our family. I know it serves many purposes, including our sanctification and to show us our Father's heart. He is so, so good!
I love the words to this song "No Longer Slaves." How humbled and grateful I am to be a child of God. My prayers are that Joshua will know the depths of the love of his heavenly Father and that our bond will be strengthened and irreplaceable.
You unravel me with a melody, You surround me with a song
Of deliverance from my enemies, 'til all my fears are gone
I'm no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God
From my mother's womb, You have chosen me, love has called my name
I've been born again, into Your family, Your blood flows through my veins
I'm no longer a slave to fear
I am a child of God
You split the sea so I could walk right through it
Back in 2012, I wrote a post about how I felt like I was slipping into a valley. Part of the Christian walk is sanctification. It's painful. It's raw. It's hard. But it's life giving. It's God loving us so incredibly much that He refines us in the fire to make us more like Him.
I feel like I'm unraveling... ripping at the seams. I can't do it all. I can't keep it all together. God's been tugging at my heart for a few weeks. It started when I realized my priorities were all messed up. Since then, I've been thinking about all that is expected of me... cleaning, cooking, homeschooling, spending time with each one (kids and husband), activities, exercise, etc.
It's honestly made me depressed because I know I can't do it all. So I went to my doctor and asked him to do a full blood panel to see where my hormones, thyroid, and vitamin levels were at. I'll get those results in two weeks. But while I was there, he told me to "give yourself grace. You're in a difficult stage of life having three kids under five, all in diapers, with a high needs baby. It's hard for anyone and you don't have to have it all together. I've seen so many moms in here that are your age and learning to handle three. It's normal."
Then I went to a friends house and told her I was struggling adjusting to three. Again, she said "give yourself grace. Do what you need to do to stay sane... put kids in daycare, have a sitter come watch them so you can get out for a few hours, hire a maid. It's worth your sanity in the end."
I had a horrible workout at the gym yesterday, nothing seemed to go right, and I left feeling fat, weak, and defeated. My sister said "give yourself grace! We all have hard workouts."
Today at gymnastics, I saw behavior in Joshua that frustrated me to no end! He was constantly bouncing up and down, trying to get attention from the teacher. He hit another child and was put in timeout, and he sat there repeatedly asking "when can I get up?" Totally obnoxious and horrifyingly embarrassing. I pulled him from the class and called my mom. After remembering he was also difficult at Cubbies last night, I realized he probably has ADHD and super impulsive and just can't control himself. I've taught students exactly like him. As a teacher, they are a nightmare because they require so much attention, drain all of your energy, and take away from the rest of the class. So my first thought was, put him on medication! I'll have a different child and maybe my life will finally be easier.
But I've always been on the fence about medicating children for attention issues, especially this young. So I called my mom, who raised my ADD brother and experienced medication firsthand. She agreed that Joshua is hyperactive but she said my goal should be to teach him how to manage that. At his age, I just need to constantly be aware of how he can expend his energy. Instead of just putting him outside and shutting the door, I should play soccer with him, ride bikes, go on walks, jump on the trampoline, set up relays and obstacle courses. She also encouraged me to have a routine. These are things I know from working at Shelton and can easily implement. Instead of wanting a different child, she encouraged me to be a different mom... the one God created and has molded me to be for Joshua. My training and time at Shelton (and passion for special needs children) had a very specific purpose, as did my years of infertility, and all my years living in a homeschool family. I've begged the Lord to help me attach to Joshua. And somehow, I know this is going to draw us closer together.
But it won't be easy. My time is so torn right now between tending to the house, spending time with Anchor so he can develop muscles to sit up and crawl, homeschooling, training Maverick, etc. How can I possibly add one more thing to the list?!?!
I feel like the "give yourself grace" comments are a copout. We all have struggles and have to learn how to juggle life. We can't just sit around waiting for the problems to fix themselves.
So where does this leave me?!? Desperate for more of Christ. I absolutely cannot do this by myself. But God has given me Himself, and a supportive husband, family, and friends. Through Him, I can learn how to raise a special needs, adopted child, as well as our two other boys (who will have their own struggles and needs). So I may be entering a valley, but I am not alone. I thought of the song "Feel It Coming On" by delirious. Here are some of the lyrics that spoke to me today:
"Reach inside of me, deeper than before. Would You tear away this old man, bring peace to this old war. See Your piercing eyes, burn me like a fire. If You have me I will run, to finish all that You've begun.
Hold me, hold me, hold me tight as You walk into the darkest night. Hold me, hold me, hold me tight as I walk beneath Your shining light. Hold me, hold me, will You come? To be with me when the day is done? Hold me, hold me, hold me tight as I walk into Your burning light."
I'm so thankful He's here. This is truly an answer to my prayers. Not at all the one I was expecting. But one that sounds exactly like my God. He doesn't give us the easy way... He gives us what will bring us closer to Him and make us more like Christ. Oh how grateful I am He doesn't just give us what we want! Yes, my days are long and hard. But I am choosing joy!
Thank You God for tearing away the ugly parts of me. Thank You for being faithful to complete the work You began in me. Thank You that I'll never walk alone. Thank You for Your shining light. This mountain I am climbing is still so high, still so steep. But You are not in a hurry, You're not going anywhere, and You aren't letting me quit. You are gently teaching me, leading me, loving me, pushing me, encouraging me, changing me. I know I won't recognize myself once I reach the top. I pray that I'll see You instead! Oh how eager I am to see the fruit that this produces and how You will use this for good, for Your glory.
In August of 2014 we moved into our home in Highland Village. Kenny remodeled it, and it's wonderful!! However, it's not our forever home. The kitchen is small and we enjoy entertaining, and have large families. We don't have a playroom/schoolroom so when friends come over, the kids are in the same den as the adults and it's difficult to have conversations or play games. There's no guest room. The boys' rooms are across from the master bedroom. The bathrooms are tiny. And I have no bathtub in the master bathroom. But, we had plans to build a house on our lot in Forest Hills so these were all things I could live with temporarily.
Since then, I have absolutely fallen in love with this area! I love how close I am to multiple grocery stores, shopping, parks, trails, the gym, etc. It's great to be right off the highway so we can get to church/Dallas easily. We've become really good friends with the Merrimans and the thought of moving away from them is heartbreaking.
So we put building a new home on hold and began praying about where the Lord wanted us. Kenny is always looking at lots, either with clients or for possible business plans. We talked about buying land across the bridge, up off 380, or in the Argyle area. Kenny's thoughts were that there are already so many established builders in this area that he would need to move further north to have a chance to make a name for himself. I'm not going to stand in the way of that!
Thanks to my emotions, I've been all over the place. One day, I want to move back up to 380... mainly because I wanted land and that seemed to be the only place we could find an acre or more for a decent price. The next day, I'd be willing to take a smaller lot so we could stay close to our friends. Then we'd walk through a house Kenny built, and I'd tell him I don't care how far it is, we just need land! A few days later, I'd see Melissa and decide we can stay in our current home forever... I'd make it work even though we've clearly outgrown it.
Several days ago, Kenny had mentioned finding a two acre lot in Eagles Landing and I asked him to pray about it. But I just kept getting the feeling that if we bought that lot, I'd basically be cutting the time I see my family in half. It's just too far off the highway, which makes trips to/from Dallas a beating. As much as I want land, I'm not ready to sacrifice the location to get it. So I had resolved to just wait.
On Wednesday, we were out running errands when Kenny called and said "I might have just done something." I had been tracking him and knew he had spent several hours in an area that looked like a park, so I figured he probably bought some land. He continued, "I just bought us a little piece of paradise."
My heart skipped a beat and I wanted to pull over and hyperventilate. "You couldn't talk about this with me first?!?"
"Oh, I won't need to ask you about this. It's two acres, tons of trees, a small hill, place for a pond, backs up to the Corps of Engineers, and is surrounded by several other five acre tracks, and has a creek running through it." I couldn't believe what I was hearing! "At the front of the subdivision, the developer is making several smaller lots that I could buy and build houses on as well. There is a private drive that leads back to our lot, so we are completely isolated in the middle of the city. It's not even on the market yet, but I talked him into letting me buy it!"
Because I had been tracking Kenny, I knew where it was located. Right off the highway, about two exits north of where we currently live, in Hickory Creek. He was working on getting a contract and said we could see it after the boys napped. It seemed like an eternity, but we finally loaded up and went to see it.
Kenny was right, it was our own paradise!
private road that leads back to our lot
I'm just completely in awe of the Lord's faithfulness and provision! Kenny has shown me time and time again how important it is to be patient, and if we don't get what we want, it only means God has something better in mind. I'm thankful for his patience and wisdom in leading our family. This truly is the perfect location... we get our land, right in the middle of the city! And we can have chickens, goats, and a donkey!
Kenny has been drawing plans for the house and this is one we both love!
I can't wait to post updates and walk through this process with Kenny. I've seen so many houses that he's built for other people knowing someday I would get my chance. And it's finally here!!!
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, LORD. You are too good to us!
