We finally had the inevitable... a broken bone! <womp womp> Anchor and Maverick were playing Tortilla Factory in the garage. They toss elastic workout bands on the treadmill and watch them fall off... and put that on repeat.#boymom One of the bands started to go under the belt and Anchor tried to get it out. 😖 I was getting ready for the day (it was around 7:30am) and Maverick came running in with Anchor screaming behind him. (This is a somewhat normal occurrence... "he hit me, he took my car, I fell off my bike, Blue chewed my shoes up" etc). I heard "Anchor got his hands stuck in the treadmill" and saw they were scraped and some of the skin had come off. At first, I thought it was similar to a stubbed toe. However, Anchor kept screaming and has hands were badly shaking. Kenny had left to go get tacos, a car wash, and gas (thank you Covid-19)! I FaceTimed him and he decided to come home. Meanwhile, Anchor kept screaming and I knew it was much worse than stubbed toe. A lot of skin and been ripped off and his fingers were quickly swelling. I called my sister, who can be so calm in these situations, but neither one of us knew what to do. 😂 When Kenny got home, he agreed we should call our pediatrician (who is a family doctor with many years of ER experience). We definitely didn't want to deal with the ER and coronavirus and quarantine. Kenny called his mom to come watch Joshua and Maverick, and I'll never forget how quickly she responded without asking any questions. We gave Anchor some ibuprofen and headed out the door.
Mama's adrenaline didn't wear off until 5 that afternoon and I.Was.Toast and sick to my stomach. I could hardly eat all day and cycled with a friend to distract my racing mind. My energy was in the negatives. We had Sonic for dinner (at Anchor's request) and called it a day. We were supposed to go to my sister's house and have a parade for Nana, see the Blue Angels fly over DFW, and then play at a park. Anchor was SO excited and wore his airplane shirt. Despite everything that happened though, he had a great attitude! I'm so thankful for our doctor, for family and prayers, and that we serve a God who goes before us and prepares the way: getting into pediatrician instead of ER, Janette being able to watch boys, Kenny being close to home, Anchor pulling his hands out of treadmill before more damage could have been done, and giving us bodies that heal! God is good, no matter what!
It all started with two geraniums and some lavender.
We built our dream home almost two years ago. Some days I still can't believe this is my life... not just the house, but the husband, THREE boys, and our home. I never could've imagined it, and I definitely wouldn't have believed it if you told me.
But God!
Kenny (probably desperate to get out of the house... thank you coronavirus) set out for Calloway's to buy some shrubs for behind our pool deck. He came home with a truck bed full of shrubs and some extra flowers for my pots on the front porch. Two geraniums and some lavender. I planted them immediately and something stirred deep within my soul.
I saw pure beauty.
Living in a house doesn't make it a home. It has to be intentionally planned, created... cultivated. And I want our home to be a place of beauty, comfort, safety, and peace.
So I started dreaming again... about something for me! Not because my family wanted to, not because my boys wanted to. ** But because I had a passion for it. This is huge for me.
I thought of knockout rose bushes in front of our master bedroom windows and some basil/rosemary... small and manageable.
But God!
We went to Calloway's and I found my roses/herbs plus so much more.
Calloway's Nursery
My favorite find was this adorable owl pot! My classroom was decorated with owls and I have collected many over the years. Owls are also the mascot for our homeschool. He was perfect for my basil!
Then I found elephant ears!!!Be still my heart! No they didn't fit with any of the landscape Kenny had already planned (and begun planting). But I'm sure he agreed seeing the joy they brought me. My sweet Maverick loves elephants and seeing these will remind me of him!
side note: A week after buying these, one of the leaves started to curl up and turn brown and I had seen the stems bend all the way down to the ground. We went back to Calloway's and the guy helping me said the brown leaf was dying to allow new growth and that these plants can be kind of dramatic (aka droopy). I thought that was hilarious... and SO Maverick!
Finally, I found some pink knockout roses. My heart was happy and I was ready to begin planting!
But God!
We stopped by Home Depot and Kenny went down the vegetable aisle of the plant area. Tomatoes, peppers, jalapeños, hatch chiles, cucumbers, a fig tree!!! Mmmmm.... we could almost taste the freshness! We both looked at each other and said "let's start a garden!"
And that was it.
We came home and Kenny designed some gorgeous three raised beds (3'x10') right outside of the master bedroom. And I began designing the garden. I've finally embraced YouTube and learned about companion planting and incorporating flowers/herb into my garden.
Our soil is mostly clay, so digging up holes twice the size of my rose buckets was a task I could not do alone. It took Kenny most of the day. At bedtime, I set the roses down in the holes (so I could visualize better) and went to bed eager to finish the next day. That night a huge Texas thunderstorm blew through and when we woke up, the roses were drowning in holes full of water.
I set them out to dry and meanwhile mixed some potting soil (equal parts peat moss, top soil, and perlite). During my several sweaty trips around the house and yard with the wheelbarrow gathering tools and mixing soils, Joshua tagged along eager to help. He noticed my sweat and "work" face and apologized that this was such hard work. I realized it was quite the contrary! It felt so good!!! God created us not just to do work, but to find joy in it! (Ecclesiastes 2:24) There was something so gratifying about putting in all the effort and then sitting back to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Anchor's red petunias (his favorite color) and he wanted them planted next to their daddy (geraniums)!
There are so many lessons in the Bible that refer to planting, toiling and harvesting, sowing and reaping, deep roots, and bearing fruit. As I remember my verse for this year (Psalm 37:3), I can't help but smile at what God knew He was doing. His dreams far exceeded my own! While I know I have my work cut out for me, I know the joy and reward will be worth it. And I know I'll learn many lessons along the way as I cultivate my faithfulness... and my garden! **I want to be clear: I LOVE being a mama bear and feel blessed to be able to stay home and homeschool. It's another dream come true for me. But I've seen so many homeschooling mothers put their EVERYTHING into their kids and schooling. And then their kids grow up and leave. Kenny and I have talked a lot recently about being careful not to lose sight of who I am and who God created me to be aside from "homeschooling mommy." Plus, gardening can be a great educational experience! Sounds like a win win.
The Lord FINALLY answered my prayers and has confirmed in my heart *my* verse for this year.
FINALLY.
The key: spending such sweet, beautiful, intimate time with my Maker, Creator, Father, Savior, and Leader.
Oh what a dry season I have been through! Having babies is tough. Acid-freaking-reflux is tough. Adopting is tough. Three-year-olds are tough. Homeschooling is tough. And I've been through it all this last year.
Looking back, I see that I shut down. I'm an introvert... and just like everything else, being that way has its strengths and weaknesses. Instead of reaching out and asking for help, I withdrew. Instead of daily knocking at my Father's door for His sufficient grace, I withdrew. I put on a mask, pretended everything was fine, grit my teeth, and just tried to make it through each day... one.day.at.a.time. And sure enough, 2016 came and went.
But now 2017 is here, and I'm dry parched, desperate, and longing for life, joy, purpose, and true motherhood. I've always dreamed of being a mommy and had *the best* mother (and grandmother) as an example to follow. I know what the Lord has put in me, and have been at a loss as to how to get it out.
So I began again what I know in my heart-of-hearts is the answer to everything... spending time with Jesus (using my beloved tabs system). Here are the dates/highlights from my journal entries:
January 2
Matt 22 - love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind
Gen 21 - God is with you in all that you do
Titus 3 - I want to bear much fruit!
Psalm 21 - there is strength, blessing, and success in the Lord and His unfailing love -- He gives life
*I will not be moved*
Prov 20 - may the Lord find me genuinely faithful (not just appearance)
January 3
Joshua 18 - don't wait to claim something the Lord has already given to me
January 9
Gen 22 - Abraham had SO MUCH faith and trust in the promises of God -- he worshipped as he obeyed (no fear)
Psalm 22 - He has always been with me - I can always call on His name
Prov 21 - it doesn't matter that I think what I'm doing is right - God looks at my heart (which shows anger)
Joshua 19 - He is faithful and will keep His promises... but I have a part too -- sometimes that means fighting January 10
Matt 24 - I don't want my love to grow cold - for my family or others; I want people to know me by Christ's love in me, NOT my anger!
1 Cor 7 - my undivided devotion is to the Lord alone - stop trying to "please" others, especially if that means not obeying what the Lord has put on my heart: spending time with boys, praying, devotions, movie/game night
James 1 - God forgive me for doubting You and not earnestly seeking wisdom from You; how gracious You are to show me anyway and gently convict me; my belief in Christ is worthless if I can't control my tongue and love Joshua - an "orphan" and "perfect gift" whom God gave to me
January 11
Psalms 23 - "He leads me" - when Kenny can't/doesn't; when I feel "alone" in parenting; when I don't know what to do/where to go
Prov 22 - my job is to train (set an example for) my boys: love the Lord and others; the rest is not my responsibility or something I can control
Joshua 20 - the Lord takes such great care of His people - protecting us and fulfilling even the tiniest details of His promises
January 12
Gen 24 - God so beautifully and divinely orchestrates events in my life
1 Cor 8 - I want to know God and be known by Him - search my heart oh Lord
James 2 - be careful not to judge others, "show no partiality" - love others as myself
Psalms 24 - I want to be known as a "woman who seeks God's face"
Prov 23 - goal in discipline is character training (NOT behavior control)
Joshua 21 - they took possession and settled... and God gave them rest; ALL of His promises came to pass
Acts 20 - my flock = my 3 boys and they were purchased with His blood too
Retyping my words has shown me even more than I had planned to write. How many of these entries answer my *exact* frustrations?!? About motherhood? About life and joy? About purpose?
ALL of them.
How good is our God to use His Word that is thousands of years old and yet He makes it applicable to my most pressing issues and concerns!?!
My spirit has been refreshed (and it must be mentioned that we are studying water this week and Joshua's principle is: Jesus gives my spirit living water to drink). Yay God!
BUT the coolest thing is the verses He's confirmed for me... yes, me! I've been trying to come up with a "family" verse, but in all honesty, the boys are still young and I can't be Kenny's Holy Spirit. So instead of forcing this on them, I'm claiming it and speaking it over myself.
I mentioned in my previous post about a verse in Joshua 18 - "How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land, which the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?" (verse 3)
God has done His part. He parted the Red Sea to physically and legally bring us Joshua. I have prayed and prayed, begging Him to knit our hearts and have been so frustrated that nothing was changing. This last week, He has gently whispered on my heart that I have not done my part. I have "put off" claiming Joshua as my own.
In Joshua 19:47, the tribe of Dan had to fight against Leshem and capture it before they could take possession of it and settle in it. I felt God calling me to fight for a deeper relationship with Joshua - to capture him as my own.
The Lord immediately started showing me things I do for Maverick/Anchor that I have not done with Joshua. He's told me to write them down (and I'm sure He'll be adding to the list):
1. smiling when I talk to him
2. snuggling, hugging, kissing on him throughout day
3. pulling him into my lap - he's not too old/heavy
4. sitting next to him at table
5. lovingly touching him - putting lotion on him
6. *not* disciplining him for every little thing (or even some of the big things)
7. laughing with him
8. controlling my temper around him - because I can't control his behavior
9. holding his face and looking into his eyes
10. taking pictures/videos of things he does too
Finally, in Joshua 21:44-45, the Lord gave the Israelites "rest" after taking possession of the land He had promised them. What more peace can there be?! There will finally be rest in our family after we have fought... claimed... and settled with Joshua as our very own firstborn.
So there it is: "How long will you put off going in to take possession... fight... capture... settle... rest." (Joshua 18:3, 19:47, 21:44)
Last year the Lord called me to spend time in His Word daily. While I failed miserably at that, I'm ready for a second chance. I'm tired of putting it off and am ready to step into His calling for me. I don't want to just have an appearance of genuine faith. As I said in my previous post, all I know to do is take it day by day... not in survival mode as I did last year. But in intimate relationship with my heavenly Father. I can't speak to what next week/month will like for me. But tomorrow morning, I'll be up at 6AM to spend time with my Maker and see what He has for me that day.
I know He will continue to be faithful.
Someone posted this video on Facebook because it reminded her of her grandmother. This song is called "He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves. It's absolutely beautiful and I long for this to be said about me some day. I know it means more trials will come my way... but if faithfully walking through them brings more glory to God, then I'm willing to walk whatever road He has for me.
There are a lot of changes happening around our house. But none that anyone would notice.
We've been learning about Family Discipleship (through sermons and a handbook from the Village Church) and this week we were encouraged to change our spiritual lives... for us as individuals, as spouses, and as parents.
In a nutshell, here are some of the things we will be implementing:
1. reading the Word daily using the Tabs system - Basically, you read one chapter from 10 different books in the Bible daily. Read more about it here.
2. Kenny and I meeting once a week to discuss hopes, dreams, failures, what the Lord is teaching us, etc. - consider this a spiritual check-in with spouse
3. family devotions every night - In order to make this possible, we are moving dinner time to 5:30 so that afterwards we can clean up, get ready for bed, spend time discipling our kids, and have a bedtime routine... all before 7:00!
4. family night once a month - think Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, bike rides, walks to the park, swimming, movies and popcorn, etc. The only thing not allowed is computers and cell phones!
5. one-on-one time with each boy once a month - Anchor is too small right now, but we both want to spend quality time with the boys on their own. This means lots of mother/son date nights!
* * * * * * * * * *
This article (from Proverbs31 Ministries) also really spoke to me today as I begin my spiritual journey transformation. Oh how often we need to be meditating on His word... it is life - the very air we breathe!
The Motherhood Press - by Brooke McGlothlin
“I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11 (ESV)
I sat in the late evening sun on the front porch of our home, head in hands, tears streaming down my face, rendered speechless by the realization that I didn’t have what it took to be the kind of mom I wanted to be.
Before having kids, I’d never really failed at anything. Oh sure, I had been through failed relationships. I’d come close to failing a test here and there. I even failed to live up to my own expectations from time to time, but never the big things. Every goal I set for myself I achieved. But as a mom — the one thing I really wanted to get right in life — I was failing.
I wanted everyone to believe I was capable of handling the two beautiful boys God gave me, but I wasn’t.
I wanted everyone to believe I could juggle work, kids, husband, home and church with ease, but I couldn’t.
I wanted everyone to believe crying babies, nursing problems, shift work and the Terrible Twos weren’t too much for me all at once, but they were.
And what I really wanted everyone to believe — that I was a confident, capable, smart, fully independent woman — was keeping me from admitting the truth. I didn’t have what it took.
Motherhood showed me just how much I needed Jesus.
It scraped me, rubbed me raw and pressed ugly emotions and words out of my heart I didn’t even know were there.
If you asked people I grew up with to describe my personality, I’m happy to report words like “angry, insensitive, overbearing, short-tempered and unkind” would not have topped the list. But there, sitting on my front porch in front of all my neighbors, not really caring who saw, I realized the woman I so proudly presented to others wasn’t the real me.
The truth taunted me and beat me down. The person I thought I was didn’t exist, and for the first time, I couldn’t fix my situation by working a little bit harder. My need was greater than my ability. I simply couldn’t do it by myself.
Why does it take motherhood to bring out the worst in us? Maybe it’s because most of us have never really been pressed so hard, pushed so hard or loved so hard. We’re like children eating a jelly-filled donut. When little hands squeeze, the jelly hiding inside dumps into their lap … and when life presses a mama too hard, sin lurking in her heart comes out and dumps on the people she loves most.
I love today’s key verse, Psalm 119:11. I learned it as a child, and its simplicity is the perfect antidote to my challenging, chaotic mothering days: “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.”
I learned a life lesson that day I hope will stick with me forever. What’s in our hearts will come out, good or bad. In order to be the kind of godly women we want to be, we have to store God’s Word in our hearts, letting it change who we are in our most-hidden places, so when we’re pressed, His love pours out.
Father, give me a never-ending desire to spend my moments storing up the treasures in Your Word, so that when I’m pressed by life’s challenges I might not sin against You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
TRUTH FOR TODAY:
Matthew 12:34b, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (ESV)
Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” (ESV)
Today was an exciting day at our house!! Nana came out for the weekend to join us for our field trip and spend time with Joshua for his birthday. She took him to breakfast at the Egg and I and then to Target to pick out a toy. He chose a red lightsaber! He's never seen Star Wars but seems to have an intrinsic passion for it.
Then they came home and Joshua learned to ride a two-wheeler bike! He's been using a balance bike for two years, and a bike with training wheels for six months. I was amazed at how quickly he learned. Nana couldn't keep up with him so she *had* to let go and he just kept going! Within the hour he learned to turn, make U-turns, start on his own and even go up/down the curb. We are so proud of our big boy!
For his birthday, we wanted to get him a new bike! We went to Walmart and Joshua got a Mongoose bike... the same kind his dad first bought for himself. He loves the big tires. We can't wait to get out tomorrow and ride some more! I'm looking forward to family bike rides. I love cycling and there's just something special about being outdoors, on a bike, with my family.
Between the new bike, roller skates from grandmommy, and skateboard from Allen and Katie, he's going to be one busy boy!
Finally, we all went to Blue Goose for dinner. It's one of Joshua's favorite restaurants.
Anchor got to eat his very first tortilla! And our seven month old little boy is learning to sit up. He's able to do it by himself for five to ten seconds... it's progress!! This momma is so ready for him to be sitting up and NOT spitting up. But I also know I'll truly regret these days with my little boys. I'm so proud of them for hitting milestones but it's bittersweet as it reminds me they won't stay this way forever.
Life has been crazy busy lately, and unfortunately I've had to take a break from homeschooling. Not because homeschooling is hard, but because Anchor has been a pretty difficult baby. He spits up a ton and cries if he's not being held. I honestly don't know how the third child can be so demanding.
So we're taking a break from our work because I also figure it's going to be a pretty hot summer and we might as well be inside, in the AC, doing school. That way I'm not pressured to finish by the end of May, we can spend more time outdoors since the weather has been phenomenal, and it will also give Anchor more time to grow out of this fussy-can't-stop-spitting-up phase. It's a win-win-win situation!
So here's what we've been up to:
practicing cartwheels (we signed Joshua up for gymnastics in January)
making mud pies
learning how to make our bed
eating goldfish
riding bikes/cars
playing in the sprinklers
I'm embracing my newish role as boymom! It means lots of mud, baths, roughhousing, sound effects, bumps, and bruises... but also a whole lot of love, hugs, and kisses! Joshua even brought me flowers!! I love how boys take care of their mommies. I'm blessed beyond measure with my three!
Little Anchor is trying so hard to sit up... it's such hard work!! He either falls forward or turns his leg and goes sideways. He is gaining weight though! At his six month check up he weighed 15lbs! WAHOO!!!!
We've also learned to take "silly face" photos, and now it's hard for mom to get us smiling nicely!
Dad has been working like crazy so we really soak up our time with him on the weekends.
