pregnancy update: week 29

how far along:  29 weeks

baby size: butternut squash (15 inches, 2.5 lbs)

maternity clothes: yes, even had to buy some new shirts to cover my big belly!

sleep: yes, but becoming harder with all the heartburn!!

best moment of the week: I heard his strong heartbeat yesterday.  My friends are planning a baby shower so it was fun picking out some new items for his nursery.

movement: oh my, yes yes and yes! I keep trying to video it but the stinker knows every time I turn on the camera.

food cravings: anything I see on a  commercial, still carbs/sweets but I'm trying to do better!

what I miss: having more energy, I feel like an 80 year old!

what I'm looking forward to: meeting Anchor, holding him, and nursing him! Yes, I know I have a long way to go. And I want him to stay in there as long as possible. But I am very ready to meet him!

pregnancy symptoms: major pain under my right rib, heartburn like crazy, stuffy/bloody nose, sometimes round ligament pain
*my hemoglobin was a little low (9.5 and they like it to be around 11-12)  I need to be more consistent about taking my chlorophyll and I'm starting NingXia Red.

stretch marks: not yet!

belly button: still an innie but getting very flat


***I have been SUPER stressed with all that's going on and I was planning to have a horrible appointment today! I figured my midwife would put me on bedrest and be concerned about the protein levels in my urine, high blood pressure, and excessive weight gain.  BUT GOD!!! He is so much bigger than my stress. He knew what I'd be dealing with while being pregnant, He's not surprised by this, and is completely taking care of me!  My blood pressure was 98/50!! My urine was "perfect" and I've only gained 5 pounds... not quite the 1lb/week goal, but not the dreaded 2lbs/week either. My midwife laughed and said "you might have an extra pound to lose but we know you can birth babies... breeched, head up, head down, sideways... you will get them out!"  I'm so thankful for the Lord's provision... and how in my weakness, HE is strong!

when roseola came to visit

Last Wednesday, Janette watched the boys while Kenny and I went to our first counseling appointment.  When we picked them up, I noticed Maverick was really warm.  I found out he had been running a fever and that she had given him a dose of Tylenol.

That night he was up several times, burning hot! The next morning I took his temperature and it was around 103.  I realize that's not super high, but it's the highest fever Maverick has ever had.  All he did was lay around and sleep.  I couldn't get him to drink or eat much.  Around lunch time his eyes started to glaze over and I knew he must feel horrible.  I gave him another dose of Tylenol, but was trying not to bring the fever down too much as I know it fights infection.  I put him in a bath with apple cider vinegar and my poor buddy just looked at me like he wanted to die. Miserable for both of us.  Throughout the day, I boosted his immune system with elderberry syrup, a wellness formula, and Thieves.  While natural healing isn't quick, I know it's so much better for their immune systems.

We had plans to go to Babe's with the Merrimans for dinner so I called a sitter.  I felt horrible leaving my sweet, sick boy but I knew all he'd do is sleep.

On Friday, his fever was still high (staying between 102-104) but he had no other symptoms.  Everything inside of me was screaming to call the doctor.  But logically, I knew there wasn't much a doctor could do.  I didn't want him on antibiotics and if it was a virus, it just has to run its course.  He continued to sleep a lot and it was work to get him to eat and drink.  He'd eat two eggs for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, and oatmeal for dinner.

By Friday evening, I was starting to get worried that I could not get his fever to break. I told Kenny to pick up some ibuprofen.  We gave it to Maverick around 5:30 and within twenty minutes he was a different kid! He was running around, smiling, talking, and eating!!  Talk about mommy guilt... I had been giving him the wrong medicine!!! At least he had some relief and I got my buddy back.

Saturday he woke up with a much lower fever, only 100-101.  He continued to snuggle and sleep a lot, but seemed a little more interactive when he was awake. He would try to play but after a few minutes, he'd crawl back up on the couch.

On Sunday morning, the fever was completely gone but his belly was covered in a rash!  My poor buddy just couldn't catch a break!! The rash didn't seem to bother him, but he continued to sleep a lot.

This morning his rash had spread all over his body.  I researched a little, and from what I can tell this horrible virus is called roseola.  The rash is a reaction to his high fever that lasted so long.  It's supposed to go away in 2-3 days so I'm hoping praying he's significantly better tomorrow.  If not, I can't guarantee a call to Dr. Chartrand won't be happening.

I miss my happy little buddy who's always smiling and playing peek-a-boo.  I miss him eating and drinking all day long.  I miss his smiles and hugs... snuggles from a burning hot, sick little baby just aren't the same (though they are still so sweet).  I miss hearing his laugh and the stories he tries so hard to tell us.

I hope roseola packs up and goes home soon.  He was never welcome in the first place.

Still, I'm thankful we serve a healing God who cares more about my little one than I could ever dream of.  I'm thankful for natural remedies.  I'm beyond grateful that I'm able to stay at home with my boys and don't have the added stress of missing work or finding someone else to take care of them and nurse them back to health.  I'm thankful for Kenny's support to treat our boys naturally first, but if/when needed, he's also supportive of seeing a doctor.

4th of July

I hate to admit it but I'm normally a dud when it comes to small holidays.   Even on the big ones I procrastinate so long that I run out of time for crafts and decorating.

This year was different. I got into the patriotic spirit early enough to go to Hobby Lobby for supplies, pick up some 4th of July books, make crafts, and invite friends over for dinner.

First we made t-shirts. It was so much fun and I really hope this can become a tradition.  I even found an iron-on anchor so baby could be a part of the fun.

Then we decorated a bucket to collect candy in at the parade.  Joshua really got into it and made sure there was a star for each member of our family.  The small star inside the big star was for anchor (the baby in mommy's belly).... made my mommy heart melt.

Next we learned about patterns by creating this firework hat. Joshua LOVED making it but didn't want to wear it at the parade.

Finally we read our Fourth of July books: Corduroy's 4th of July; The Berenstain Bears God Bless Our Country; and The Night Before the Fourth of July.  I'm so blessed to have little ones who enjoy reading... it's a passion of mine and I love sharing it with them.

On Saturday morning, we woke up bright and early to get ready for the parade. The Denton Parade has been a tradition since before we had kids!! Unfortunately, I have no family pictures... oh well, live and learn! 

2013 (I was pregnant with Maverick)

2014 (at Fuzzy's before parade)

2014

We put on our shirts, stuck on our temporary tattoos and loaded up in the Merriman's van.  First (and most important) stop: DONUTS!!

At the parade, the boys wanted a "bucket head" photo. We told them to line up and this is what we got:

REDO... sort of!! 

Maverick loved watching from high up on daddy's shoulders.

The boys LOVED seeing the fire trucks, old cars, tractors, horses, and police men.  They ran and played on the lawn and just had fun being boys. I finally got my family photo! Hopefully there will be many more to come!

We headed home for lunch and naps and daddy surprised us with a swimming pool! Perfect timing! The Merriman's came over around 4 and Joshua and Jackson swam constantly from then on. We grilled shish kabobs, had corn salad, watermelon, and a yummy 4th of July dessert.  Doug and Melissa DOMINATED our game of Phase 10 but it was still a lot of fun.  It's so refreshing to spend time with good friends, good food, good conversation... it's just so easy hanging out with them! And an added bonus is that our boys get along so well. 

This is one fourth of July that's going in the books as an awesome fun-filled day of memories. 

climbing mount everest

I feel like I'm at the foot of Mt. Everest.  Like we're beginning a long, uphill battle.  But instead of having the proper training, education, and physical ability, I'm uninformed, overwhelmed, and physically weak. The only thing I know for sure is God is on our side and He WILL fight on our behalf! I've seen it before... I've physically seen Him move mountains and do the impossible! It brings tears to my eyes remembering how capable He is when all hope seems lost. I'm clinging to those miracles I've witnessed and pressing on, stepping out into deep, unknown territory.

We've recently noticed some attachment issues with Joshua.  Honestly, I feel I've seen it for a long time and just refused to believe it was true.  I desperately wanted to believe that once we adopted Joshua it would be smooth sailing. That because we were a loving, Christian family everything would be perfect... having an adopted child would be just like having our own biological child.

But I was so wrong. This is only the beginning. The beginning of therapy, support groups, meeting with other adoptive families for direction, encouragement, and wisdom... and lots of prayer! Not to mention unlimited financial resources.  I'm so thankful the Lord has provided for us and that Kenny has more than enough work to keep him busy.  But right now it's hard to see how our time and money spent will pay off.

How can a counselor help my 4 year old?
He doesn't understand so much of what I tell him, what good will counseling do?
How can he remember what happened to him at 6 months, or 12 months? That can't possibly still be affecting him!
He just needs more discipline... or does he need more love?
Doesn't he know I'm his mother and I'll keep him safe? I've told him a thousand times!
Why can't I ever satisfy this child's hunger?
Why does he ask everyone for food instead of me?
Why does he warm up so quickly to strangers and completely ignore me when they're around?
Why is he having so much trouble obeying?
Do I find Christian counselors or adoption counselors?
Do Kenny and I need therapy, or just Joshua, or both?
Does he need a neuropsychological evaluation?
Does he need medication?
Can't I just pray over this situation and let God handle it?

So many questions running through my mind! I don't know where to start.  I want someone to come alongside us, take our hand, and sh
ow us step by step what to do. What are the good resources? What is money well spent?  What are we doing wrong, what (if anything) are we doing right?

I've been given a thousand books but they all seem to pertain to international adoptions or children that have been in and out of foster homes for years.  I know several adoption agencies require parenting/attachment classes.  Ummmm... I'm about to have a baby in fourteen weeks! I don't have time for classes! And this needs attention now!

It's been about a week of emailing, asking around, praying, and searching for answers and I've finally got some direction.

Counseling through Christian Works.  Their therapists work with children and couples and use Theraplay (will have to expand on that later when I find out what it is).  They were recommended to us through Denton Bible Church. It won't be cheap but I'm trusting the Lord will provide.

Support from:
Melissa - dear friend who lives down the street; has 1 biological and 1 adopted
Bridget - family friend of Wrights; has 2 biological children and 4 adopted
Meg - child diagnosed with RAD (reactive attachment disorder)
Amy - my former mentor; has 2 biological children and 2 adopted 
*I'm hoping to meet a few more moms who live near HV that could form a support group/prayer team.  It's definitely going to take one to get me through this!

Books:
Attaching in Adoption
Toddler Adoption
The Connected Child


Bridget wrote me an email earlier today describing her experience with her now eighteen year old daughter whom they adopted at age three.  The things she described could be Joshua:
-went to anyone who was nice to her
-did not know how to live in a family and did whatever they could to gain attention
-often disobedient and untruthful
-did not seem to have a sense of right and wrong
-did not view them as mother and father which made it difficult to bond

Her solutions:
-establish myself first as his mother, not as his disciplinarian
-establish a nurturing bond rather than a disciplinarian bond
-show him affection and love and praise, even though I don't feel those things strongly right now
-hold him often and cuddled him even when I don't feel like it
-try to be more understanding and to give more grace when he misbehaves

Those things are SOOOO much easier said than done.  I know I have to be the "bigger person" and fight my frustration and aggravation with his behavior and lack of bonding.  He's only four, I can't expect him to be the one to attach first. 

But just to put a cherry on top, Anchor is coming in fourteen weeks (or less) along with unbalanced hormones and possible jealousy from Joshua and Maverick. 

Could this mountain get any taller!?!?

All I can keep saying to myself is "Lord I need You, oh I need You, every hour I need You"

I know He wants to show me I cannot get through one day, or even one hour, without Him.  I'm beyond grateful for His grace and mercies that are new each morning, His wisdom and direction, and His promise that He will never leave us.  I've been through enough trials to know it won't always be easy, but I am not alone. 

So I'm putting on the armor of God, and mustering up faith as small as a mustard seed, and I will climb this mountain!

Father's Day

I wanted to make Father's Day really special for Kenny this year. Last year we were in the middle of moving and I can't even remember what we did.  I want him to know what an awesome daddy he is to our wolfpack... he works endlessly and would do anything for our boys!  I feel in love with his father-like spirit before we even started dating and it's been such a blessing to see him exceed all I knew he would be.

It was a "yucky cloudy rainy day" so there wasn't any temptation to be outside.

We started with bagels from Einsteins... cinnamon sugar with strawberry cream cheese!

Then we gave Kenny gifts from the boys: a plate with their handprints, a new hat, some snacks, and a loofah!

Joshua loved helping to wrap his present and make his card. He enjoyed picking out snacks (though it was hard to understand they weren't for him).  I'm looking forward to seeing the boys grow up and put their own touch on his gifts... rather than me picking them out.

Next we made Kenny's favorite dessert, key lime pie!

We then went out to run errands.. Ikea for a new pillow, Columbia for some clothes, Taco Cabana for lunch, and to pick up his trailer. It honestly wouldn't have mattered where we went, we all just love riding in dad's truck!!

By the time we got back home, it was time for me to start dinner: chicken parmigiana, cesar salad, french bread, and of course our key lime pie dessert!  It was delicious!

It was a wonderful Father's Day and I'm looking forward to many more with my growing wolfpack!

"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior 

are sons born in one's youth." 

Psalm 127:4

warrior wednesday

What is Warrior Wednesday?  It's pictures and updates of the family and what we've been up to lately... with little explanation.  Sometimes I just want to post pics without having to write an entire blogpost. (Can I get an Amen!?)

This is the boys drinking their Chocolate Shakeology... and Maverick throwing a fit when it was all gone! Needless to say, THEY LOVE IT!!

We haven't played outside much since it's been so hot. But one afternoon I pulled out this spray turtle and Maverick had a blast playing in it!

We've been blessed to go swimming at my mom's pool! She lives 20-30 minutes away so it's not daily, but it sure is fun when we go! Joshua just finished swim lessons and so it's nice for him to practice.

We also went to Lee and Hollie Woodham's summer kick-off party. The food is always amazing and Joshua loves playing with the water guns, bounce houses, and other kids. 

We also went to Cabela's so Kenny could get a fishing rod and, of course, we bought some fudge... vanilla snickers and chocolate peanut butter M&M!  Yuuuummy!

pregnancy update: Week 25

how far along:  25 weeks

baby size: rutabaga (13 inches, 1.5 lbs)

maternity clothes: yes and they are getting tight!

sleep: pretty good with a pillow between my legs

best moment of the week: we picked a name and heard his heartbeat!

movement: yes, he loves moving around... he's a swimmer or some kind of athlete for sure!

food cravings: carbs and sweets, DP and chai, CONSTANTLY! My new obsession is this Hawaiian sliced loaf.... especially when paired with Monterey Jack cheese for the perfect grilled cheese sandwich! YUUUUM!

what I miss: being able to bend over to pick things up without heartburn flaring up! =(

what I'm looking forward to: appointments with midwife being every 2 weeks instead of 4

pregnancy symptoms: heartburn, little bit of swelling, hot flashes, and just plain old feeling like a whale in everything I wear

stretch marks: not yet! I keep lathering up my belly to keep them from coming =)

belly button: still an innie